Page 140 of The Other Side of Green

I laughed. “Bye, Patience, look after yourself.”

“Don’t you worry about that. I’ll look forward to seeing you on the television again.”

“Oh I don’t think—”

She cut me off. “You’ll see.”

And with that she hung up.

“Who was that?” Eva asked.

“One of my Grams’ crazy friends.”

Eva nodded. “I’m going to go to the library, wanna come?”

I shook my head. The last thing I wanted was to be on view in front of everyone. This whole situation felt like it had grown, outmaneuvered me. If Patience had seen me on the television all the way back home, then who knew who would have seen on campus?

My head throbbed. I bet Jensen Collins had been all too eager to see my face all over the internet. Less chance of me turning down their deal…

I leaned over my knees, holding myself together. Eva stopped at the door, her face scored with a frown. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” I wasn’t okay. I’d never been further from okay.

I couldn’t do this. Didn’t want to.

I wanted to run and never be seen again.

An hour later I sat in the middle of the dorm, a scattering of history spread around me, while I read through Grams’ journal, one I hadn’t even known she kept. She wasn’t a regular diarist, just seeming to only write when something happened that needed noting. The first volume, pages browned and smudged went back to her twenties when she’d met Pops. A picture I’d never seen before had fluttered out and now lay carefully to one side. A young Pops, tall and blond with swept back hair and a strong square jaw held an arm loosely around my little Grams’ shoulders. She looked at him like he could solve world peace. She also had the biggest afro I’d ever seen.

How had I never known that?

She still liked orange dresses though.

I picked up the picture again, blinking against the burning sting in my eyes. What must life have been like then? Late seventies, post social reform, but they must have stood out being a mixed race couple. She’d never spoken of it though, never mentioned hardships or challenges they’d faced. It had always just been her and Pops, until he no longer existed. I stared at them both a moment longer and then carefully laid the picture back down with the journals. Lifting the box back onto my lap I explored further down, pulling out a small jewelry box and a gauzy bag that felt heavy in my hold.

Lifting it to the late afternoon sun, light strands of gold shone from inside. “What on earth?” I pulled at the little ribbon, loosening the tie and then tipped the contents into my hand. Pearls and a heavy gold chain fell out, shining against my outstretched skin. The pearls I recognized; Grams had worn them every day. Strange. I stared at the ceiling trying to focus my memories. I’m sure she’d had them on the day I’d left for college, the last day I’d seen her, which meant she’d taken them off and put them in the box after I’d left, entrusted to Patience’s safe-keeping. They felt warm to touch like they’d been against skin. Running my fingers over them, I remembered their feel all too well, so many memories of sitting on Grams’ lap and touching them while she smoothed my hair washed over me.

I brushed at fresh tears on my cheeks.

Putting them carefully with the journals and the photograph, I turned my attention to the gold chain. I’d never seen it before in my life. Heavy, the chain was three rope chains twined together. On the end of the chain a heavy fob hung that looked like a small seal. Turning it over, I tried to see the image engraved on the underneath, the one that would be pushed into warm wax to seal an envelope. Small and delicate it was hard to make out.

Hmm.

Ah, I needed something soft to press it against. Standing up from the floor and shaking out my almost dead legs, I stared around working out what I could use. Thank God for sharing a room with Eva, the lover of all things make-up and pampering. Stalking on stiff legs, I went to her dresser and pulled out the concealer she used to hide her black shadows. Perfect.

I pressed the fob firmly, not wanting to completely destroy her stuff; it looked expensive and I wouldn’t be able to replace it. Waiting a moment and then pulling it away I stared at the faint image engraved onto medium beige.

A bird.

My heart raced, pushing against my ribs. I didn’t need to look it up to know it would be a Lyre Bird, the name that Jack had always called me.

The necklace weighed heavy, it must have been worth hundreds of dollars. It’s color rich and old, not the light gold that Raven Smoake had had swinging from her ears back at home.

Almost automatically, I pulled it over my head, knowing that it was mine, that it had been intended for me.

Going back to the paperwork mess I’d created in the middle of the floor, I refolded my legs and settled back down, picking up the small jewelry box. I had a bad feeling I knew what was in it before I opened it. Tears stung my eyes, dripping down my cheeks as I lifted the lid and found Grams’ worn wedding ring and tiny diamond chip of an engagement ring.

The ache of missing her, having her possessions in my hand, numbed me, spreading from my chest, down to my fingers and toes.