Page 88 of When We Are Old

“He was just talking to Ewan and Jack’s mum that’s all.” Hannah shouldered past me into the gloomy hallway. The evenings were getting lighter now, with the warm days of spring stretching the days, but inside was dark.

“I suppose I should be grateful. Six years I’ve lived here, and this is the first time you’ve visited.”

“Question is,” I said, peering past her. “Have you cleaned in the last six years?”

“You know, you sound more and more like your mother every time I see you.”

“I do not.” Down the hallway we turned into a small lounge with an overstuffed sofa and seventies teak coffee table holding a bottle of wine and a glass half full. I couldn’t help but notice on the floor next to the sofa stood another empty bottle. That couldn’t be from tonight? We’d only left her thirty minutes ago.

She threw herself down and stubbed out her cigarette, waving the smoke away from Hannah. “Come on then, tell me what happened?”

I shot a glance at Hannah, surprised to find her stare focused on me too. “Aunty Ange, can I use your toilet?” she asked.

“Sure, out on the right. You can’t miss it, there aren’t many rooms to choose from.” Ange forced a smile with her words.

Once Hannah had left, she turned straight to me. “So, come on. Then I can tell you I told you so.”

I really didn’t want her to tell me I told you so, but she did, and I ignored her, angry as I was at the unravelling of our friendship.

“We got back, and Julie was there.”

“Oooh, jealous ex.” Ange automatically reached for her packet of smokes and tapped them on the arm of the sofa.

“I don’t think she’s got anything to be jealous of. I don’t think she knows I exist.”

Ange’s mouth fell open. “He must have told her; he’s been seeing you for weeks.”

I shrugged. “I guess I did think he would, but then it’s also weird that she hasn’t been odd about me seeing the kids. I mean, if she’s as unbalanced as everyone thinks, then wouldn’t she have put rules in place?” I stared off at the wall while I pondered everything. “I mean, I’ve never dated anyone before, not with kids. I don’t know how it works. But I suppose if Paul was alive and we were separated,” my stomach clenched, “then he might have rules in place.”

Ange sparked up another cigarette, not caring she’d just finished one. My mother was right, they were going to kill her one day. “I told you all along. Matthew is set to break your heart.”

“Hasn’t stopped you trying it on with him, though has it, Ange?” Oooh. The words just slipped out.

“He made it sound much worse than it was. It was only a couple of times in passing, and the last time it was quite obvious he was still fanatically overly interested in you.”

“I can’t believe you kept it from me. I’ve trusted you my whole life, since we met. I’ve always trusted you.”

Ange met my gaze. “I know.”

“So why did you do it then? I was bloody miserable for so long. I married the wrong man, Ange. Do you get that? I married the wrong man.”

“Oh no, that doesn’t stop at my door. You married a safe man and you made yourself and Paul miserable. Don’t you think Paul deserved more?”

“Since when do you care?”

She stared at the coffee table, but then shook her head and shot me her Ange 'winning smile'. “Anyway, can’t we just have a do over?”

“A do over?”

She laughed, throwing her head back, much more the Ange I’d always had in my life. “So, really, you ran away from Matthew, the week after he ran away from you? I’m seeing a trend.”

“I didn’t run away. I just didn’t want to face Julie, and I didn’t want him to have to upset his kids because of me. If he needs to go on a family holiday, then I guess that’s just what he needs to do.”

“Oh my god. You are such a bloody walkover.” Ange reached over and grabbed my hand, squeezing it tight. “When are you going to start fighting? She’s his ex. He left her the moment he found out Paul had died. Now I’m not saying that’s right, because if we think about it closely, I think we both know it was wrong.”

“He was unhappy, Ange. She ruined him.”

She waved her hand, like the slow turning of a clock. “And you just walked away and left him in her grasp.”