Page 9 of When We Are Old

Matthew could.

“I don’t have any stuff with me.”

He gave me a small smile and pushed through the front door. Unlike days ago, when we'd been met with an arctic blast, this time the house oozed warmth against our faces. It was like getting off the plane in the Bahamas and walking down the steps to the tarmac suddenly realising you were overdressed.

“And I really should have booked my returning train.” I scrunched my face, equally disgusted at leaving Matthew and this budding bloom of a romance we had unfolding, for the prospect of more hours on a train. “How long are the flights? Maybe I could do that instead? Angela always flies.”

My stomach dropped at the mention of Ange and I met his dark gaze.

Ange had let me down; let us down. I’d never expected that from my best friend and I had no idea what to say or how to act in response. His lips pressed into a firm line. I got it, I did. She’d meddled and stopped us being together over the years. I got it.

But she was Ange.

And reality, even while I stood in his purple hallway, told me that ninety-nine percent of the blame was ours.

He reached for my coat and undid the buttons. “Don’t think about it now. Ange, I mean…” He came closer and brushed a kiss on my mouth.

Mm. Kissing.

Instantly distracted, I reached my fingers for the back of his neck and pulled him in. Kissing Matthew was like taking a sip of a dangerously intoxicating drink and then loving the hit it fed into your veins.

“Sorry, were you saying something?” I breathed into his mouth, unable to push my body any closer to his.

“Not that I remember, no.” With a kick to the front door and an echoing slam, he grabbed me up in his arms and made for the stairs, me unable to break my kiss the whole way up.

London. I really needed to get back to London.

“You’re dangerous for me, I think.” I snuggled against his warm chest, pretty damn close to exploding with happiness.

“Me, dangerous?” He kissed the top of my head. I don’t know how long we’d been in his lavender bedroom. Time didn’t exist anymore. The white curtains were pulled against the day, and only the slight shadow around the edge told me the day to end all days might be transitioning from morning to afternoon.

With a satisfied purr, I took in the room, familiarising myself with all things Matthew. The chest of drawers where I knew his unmatched socks lived. The cupboard with the suits that didn’t seem appropriate for the man holding me in his arms. The furniture, simple and built to be indestructible during wild and passionate sex.

I trailed my fingers through the light smattering of dark hair across his firm chest. “I’m not sure if this will ever get old.”

Another kiss. Another explosion in a chamber of my heart. “It won’t.”

“This isn’t reality though, is it? I do need to go home.”

His arms tightened around me, pressing me harder against his skin. “Aye, you do.”

“I’m not sure what I’m going to tell Hannah. I literally ran out the house and left her. What sort of parent am I?”

His fingers stroked my hair, skipping along my spine and then back up to the crown of my head. “How do you think she'll react?”

“To what? Us?”

He chuckled and I pulled back to look at him. My old friend Nagging Doubt raised her ugly head.

“This is an us, isn’t it, Matthew?”

He shook his head. “Ridiculous.” He kissed me softly. “I don’t just lay out the goods for everyone. I’d like to think this is special for both of us.”

He joked, but Nagging Doubt stepped up to the crease and batted a wide swing. “No?”

With a deep sigh, he cupped his hands around my elbows and hoisted me up so I dangled in his strong hold above him. “No.”

Cringing, I looked at him through one eye. “Sorry. It’s just… well…”