Page 42 of When We Are Old

“I’m a grown man, Ronnie. I wouldn’t want to sleep on your sofa.” He had a point. It was hard to distance my memories of Matthew the boy I’d been endlessly in love with, to the man in front of me. I guess the fifteen years of absence really had done a number on my brain. “Anyway. Come with me.” He dropped his hold on my face and snatched up my fingers in an easy clasp. The way we held hands seemed profound and I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d still feel that way when we were ninety-nine.

Yes, I would.

Slowly and in silence, he walked me to the end of the road. There on the corner to my cul-de-sac he paused. “May I?” He nodded towards me.

“May you wha— Whaaaa.” He lifted me and planted my bum and thighs on the brick wall of the corner house. “What are you doing?”

“Living out a fantasy.”

“Brick walls?”

He angled himself between my knees. “Matthew.” My protest would have been stronger if it hadn’t come out half-gasped with want.

His light touch angled my face again, his thumb running along my jaw. His gaze of heaven and slate filled with purpose as his lips lowered to mine.

My knees clamped his waist and I welded us together as his tongue teased a light dance inside my mouth. Kissing Matthew. It should definitely become an Olympic sport. I sighed and opened my mouth for him to explore further, my head filled with his scent, the tang of wine on his warm tongue electric. My fingers gripped his hair as my whole body sagged in the ecstasy of a single kiss.

I held on tighter as his deep dive of exploration became small pecks and a firmly planted kiss on the edge of my mouth. His slow smile curved against me and I ran hot with fire in my veins. “Now that, I wish I’d done before.”

“Uh-huh.” My breath puffed out of my chest, laboured and distorted. “My, my my.” My lips tingled; my head whirled.

“Ronnie?” His laughter rumbled against me.

“Having a moment here.”

He caught my lips again, taking me deep, to places where oxygen became scarce and fainting was the norm.

“Oh, gosh.” I clutched onto his coat. “I think I’m going to swoon.”

“Come on. We're probably scaring the neighbours.”

I shook my head and clung on tighter. “No. Stay here forever.”

“It’s Hannah’s birthday tomorrow. You should get a good night's sleep.”

“I can’t believe you’re going to be here for her birthday.” I looked up at him, his dark hair inky under the night sky, his profile of perfection cast onto a canvas of frosty stars and streetlight.

“Does it feel wrong? I’m happy to stay away during the day. I can work on the plans for the shop in the hotel room until you're ready.”

“No!” I welded myself tighter to him. It would take a heat source to separate us, or an asteroid. “I’m glad you'll be here.” I ducked my head down against his coat, pressing my face into the wool and breathing in the mint and lemon smell that clung to it. “It will be nice.”

Matthew lifted my chin. “I feel like you aren’t telling me something.”

“No.” My heart pounded unevenly in my chest. “Just that it will be nice.”

“And you aren’t worried I’ll be stepping on Paul’s memory? Maybe this should be kept just mother and daughter?”

“No. She invited you.” I bit in my other words, unwilling to let them come to the surface. His gaze held mine like a can opener to a tin of beans. He pulled deep secrets from me whether I wanted to give them or not. “I think she’ll like it. Paul always worked on her birthday. Or if it was the weekend, he’d be doing whatever sport was in season.”

“Sporty, hey?”

I shrugged.

“Okay. I’ll be here, say ten?”

“Okay.” He helped me down from the wall and I grabbed onto his hand. Laughing, he tried to pull it away. Stronger and bigger, he had the edge, so I doubled up my grip so he couldn’t escape me.

“Ronnie.”