Page 31 of When We Are Old

What was that?

I hunkered down in the car and waited for Hannah to come out of the gates of school. I’d texted her to say I’d be there. I wanted to talk to her and Ma, but as far as I could see she hadn’t looked at the message.

Kids spilled through the gates. I did a double take at one lad in a school uniform who had a full beard. What were they feeding them all these days? Growth hormones?

I gave a faint smile as a young couple came out clutching hands. It reminded me of Matthew and me on campus at uni. Funny how holding hands after he left never quite had the same impact.

A little dart of Paul flavoured guilt worked through my system. Just two days of being with Matthew and I already knew I’d never lived, not really. Not in that sense. I’d never given myself over with everything, no holds barred, on my knees.

The couple walked past, and I did an automatic double take. “What the fuck?” I unbuckled my belt and opened the car door, nearly face planting the door in my rush.

“Hannah?”

Her mouth fell open. The boy, holding my baby’s hand, looked at me with wide blue eyes.

“Mum, what are you doing here?” Hannah stepped a few inches away from the boy.

“I came to give you a lift. Ugh? What are you doing?”

I eyed them both, giving him the evil glare. Is this who’d made her so angry the other week? The reason she got sent home for graffiti.

“I thought you’d be with Annabelle?”

“She’s got netball.”

“There’s a netball team?”

Hannah narrowed her gaze at me. “Yes,” she said it like she knew there wouldn’t be a right answer to give.

“Why aren’t you on it?”

The boy chuckled and punched my baby on the arm. “Han, imagine.” Then the cheek of the little shit turned to me. “She hates sport.”

Oh really. Well thank you for sharing that little nugget of information about the child I pushed out my vagina. “No? Really?”

“Hannah and PE don’t get on.”

“Oh, I didn’t know.”

He nodded and I realised my sarcasm was lost on him.

Why was he holding my baby’s hand?

“Get in the car please, Hannah.”

“Oh, but, Mum, we were going to go to the park.”

I could feel the steam beginning to build. “Go to the park to…” I waved my hand between them.

“Uh. No. Jackson’s just a friend.”

“Oh friends… friends that hold hands…” I trailed off.

Oh God no. Hannah was in the friend zone. Oh God, she really was me.

“Hannah. Please get in the car. Jackson, nice to meet you, I think.”

“Mum come on. What’s wrong with you?”