Page 13 of When We Are Old

Ryan laughed. “He’s as rough as a bear's arse, Ronnie. I thought you two used to know one another from university?”

I gazed longingly at Matthew as we edged our way along the purple themed landing; a sound of clattering mugs or glasses came from down below.

Yes, we used to know one another; still did, so it seemed deep down. That knowledge filled my chest with warmth like the kindle of a fire in the home hearth on a cold and wintery night.

“We did know one another.” I tried to stand up taller while not sounding like a territorial lunatic—not an easy balance. “He was always incredibly polite.”

Ryan held his stomach and doubled over, fake laughter bouncing off the lavender walls. He pretended to struggle to breathe while Matthew watched him, shaking his head. “He’s conned you, lassie.” He darted away from Matthew’s foot that kicked out at him. I pushed against the wall in case their play fight took me out—which it could easily considering the fact I only came up to their chests. I’d be a casualty of war.

Ryan straightened and cleared his throat, his expression dropping into one of serious thoughtfulness. “Anyway… I can’t wait for this.” He cracked a grin at me. “MAM!” He hollered so loud the walls shook.

Matthew grabbed for him, but Ryan was too quick and ducked out of his grasp, legging it to the stairs and clattering down them. “Are you ready to see Matty boy blush?” he shouted while Matthew sighed loudly.

Lynn, Matthew’s mother, retorted something I couldn’t make out.

“Matthew’s been caught with a girl.” Ryan sang.

Right. Well that’s embarrassing. Guess I didn’t need to worry about skywriting our morning activities after all.

“Sorry.” Matthew mumbled, and Ryan was right. His cheeks tinted with the most breathtaking stain of pink.

“I think you will find I don’t scare easily.” It was a lie. I scared like a ghost afraid of its own shadow, but seeing Matthew’s pink-stained skin, the light in his eyes, his kiss still on my mouth, it made me want my statement to be true.

He pulled a face and rubbed at his jaw. “I’m really hoping not.”

I tried so hard to stand tall as I walked into Matthew's kitchen, with its glossy AGA and inquisitive eyed mother. She had the kettle in her hand, but quickly put it on the table when she saw me. From my side eye I caught her handbag was on the chair Matthew and I had fucked on just the other day. I filed the thought away so I could cringe over it later.

“Ronnie, love?”

Lynn Carling looked almost as confused as me at me being there.

My cheeks scorched and I resisted the urge to put my fingers against them. “I’m so sorry I left your dinner early the other night,” I offered as an ice breaker. “There was a misunderstanding.”

She grinned and stepped closer, pulling me into an unexpected but reassuringly firm hug.

“Don’t apologise. I’m glad you did. You kicked that big lad into action,” she said and nodded her head to where Matthew reached across the table and plucked some grapes out of a fruit bowl and tossed one into his mouth.

Eating grapes, sexed up, the Matthew Carling way.

I stared at him like he was a brand-new day.

“I had a plan in place.” He gave his brother a hard, flinty glare.

“Ronnie, love.” Lynn pulled my obsessive stare off Matthew. I loved how she called me, Ronnie love. Every letter threw swathes of warmth around me, filling my lungs with sunshine. “I am very glad you came back.”

She turned for a cupboard and pulled small glasses out. “I think we need a toast.”

“Mam! For God's sake, it’s been a few hours.”

Ryan started to hum that dirge people walk down the aisle to at their weddings and my palms prickled with sweat. I wiped them on the spare jeans from Matthew's drawer and he watched me carefully.

“Ryan, get out.” He didn’t take his eyes off me. “Mam, if you don’t mind, I’ve got to get Ronnie on a route home to London. Hannah will be finishing school in a few hours.” I wilted under the heaven and slate gaze but managed to nod my head.

Lynn didn’t hesitate, despite her other son lounging against the kitchen counter with a smirk on his face. “Ronnie. You’ll bring Hannah up?”

Oh. “Ugh, ooh. Ugh.” My words slipped away. Yes of course. Once she’s adjusted to the fact I’m in love with a man who isn’t her dad.

“She’s more than welcome to stay with us. You both are. How about a family dinner next weekend?”