Page 103 of When We Are Old

“Why does it sound like you’re in a cupboard?” The familiar sound of her lighting a cigarette clicked down the phone and I realised how much I’d missed it over the past few weeks—even her inane need to smoke though every conversation we’d ever had.

“I’m in the attic trying to clear everything out.”

“Have you even found anywhere to live yet?” She sucked hard on her smoke.

“No.” You couldn’t ignore my hesitation.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

I might have missed her, but I didn’t know if I needed Ange-style advice yet. Not that it would stop her.

“Problems in paradise?”

“No,” I replied, glaring at a black sack full of Paul’s old clothes.

“Tell Aunty Ange everything.”

My lips twitched. She was such a bitch, always managing to turn things around. I was such a dick for always letting her. Still. I huffed out a breath, momentarily distracted by the flurry of dust motes circling in the enclosed space.

“So, you won’t tell me. Okay,” Another drag, “how was your time away after his little show on my front step the other week? You know he wants to make sure Julie doesn’t find out he’s using her kids as props in his latest romance.”

I knew she was goading me. I could sense it. I had enough faith in Matthew and me to know I was the only romance.

“Not going to work.”

“Damn. You’re getting good.”

I chuckled and leant back against the insulation padding.

“So, come on? I promise to be good,” she prompted.

“I don’t know how this works.” There I said it. Out loud. Guilt waved over me, a tide to pull me under.

“Don’t know how what works?”

“Everything. I’ve got to look for somewhere for us to live. He’s got to be in Scotland with his boys. Hannah is still in school. She’s got two years until the big exams are over. How do we make this work for so long?”

Tilting my chin, I looked at my stomach. I still hadn’t done the test, although I now knew I was officially living in dreamland if I thought it wasn't happening. I didn’t need a test. I’d only ever been three weeks late once in my life.

“I did warn you.”

“No, you didn’t.” I rolled my eyes even though she couldn’t see me. “You told me he would break my heart, which he won’t. I trust him.”

“Even when it comes down to his family? Come on, Ronnie. They are as tight as a pack of wolves. He’s not going to leave them.”

Damn, her words just slide in under my skin, hitting their mark.

“Stop twisting everything.”

“You stop living in a dream world. You’re basically saying that for the next two years you're going to carry on as you are. Weekend family time, and long-distance journeys.”

I had nothing to say to that.

“Have you even spoken to him about it?”

“Sort of.”