Page 100 of When We Are Old

I pulled another drawing out from underneath. The baby was wailing, gums bared. “Please tell me that's Liam?”

Mam’s hand landed over mine. “No love, you misunderstand. These are all of you. All of them.”

I stared at them; my throat thick. “Why did he make it sound like I should give up?” I rested my head in my hand, exhausted.

“Did he? Or did he tell you to fight harder?”

I thought back to the night he’d found me outside the Anglers Arms, and I’d been hesitating, on the cusp of going in, but my doubts holding me back.

“Do the right thing, Matthew,” he’d said.

Foolishly, I’d assumed he meant what he thought was the right thing, not me.

And since that day I’d never fought for anything ever again.

“Mam, I think I’ve really fucked up.”

“You’re late to the party, but it’s better late than never.”

“What about the boys?”

She rolled her eyes. “And the lesson is…”

“Fight.”

“Can you watch them for half an hour? I need to call my solicitor.”

Boxes

Ronnie

“Maaaaaaaaaa.” My lungs were fit for bursting. “Did you use all the boxes?”

Ma poked her head around the landing and peered down the stairs. “I have lots of things, Veronica. I’ve lived in this house a very long time.”

I glared daggers, but walked away, grumbling under my breath. Jeez, I’d lived in the house for a bloody long time too, but I hadn’t stolen all the sodding packing boxes.

It seemed silly to be rushing on the packing, the sale was taking forever to go through, but at the same time I needed to be proactive. Like maybe I should look at houses to rent again? My heart seemed resolutely against it, and I knew why… it had to do with the small blue box I had unopened in my knicker drawer that I was waiting to do with Matthew.

“When do I get a box?” Hannah slouched at the kitchen table. She’d been down since school had got back, but wasn’t keen to talk, and I was trying my hardest not to harass her, in a very caring and supportive way.

Not an easy balance let me tell you.

“How big a box do you need for all your eyeliner?” See… not an easy balance at all.

“Is Matthew still coming this weekend?”

“I think so, why?”

She smirked. “You’re much nicer when he's distracting you.”

“Rude! I’m nice all the time.”

“In your own head,” she mumbled, but I let it go.

“Okay, I’m going to work. You sure you don’t need a lift to school?”

“No.” She lifted her face and her cheeks coloured. “Jackson is meeting me.”