Page 126 of If We Were Young

Stop it, Ronnie.

“I handed it over to the administrators this afternoon.”

“The paperwork?”

“No, all of it.”

“But…”

“I gambled my happiness on that business. The things I did were wrong, very wrong, but I did it because I couldn’t see any other way. You were right. I was scared. I should have spoken to you, should have told you exactly who I was and what I was dealing with.” He paused and stared at the floor before lifting his gaze back to mine. “But I loved the way you looked at me, that you believed I could be anybody. Now I see I could have told you and you might have had the vision to save me.”

“But your family business?” There were so many other things I wanted to focus on, but my tongue was doing its own thing again; saying the inconsequential thoughts, not the important ones.

“We negotiated for the original shop. Dad’s. It’s going to be Carling’s Green Savers. I’ve heard that Edinburgh is lacking in organic shops.”

I gave a small smile. Of course he’d heard, it was in my document.

He waited again. Giving me the chance to say yes.

The moment passed and he turned his lips into the saddest of smiles. “Here, this is for you. Hopefully it will answer one of your questions.” He handed me a small envelope. “I think this is probably goodbye for us, finally.” Another pause. “Goodnight, Ronnie.”

“Night, Matthew.” I clutched at the square, pushing it into my chest. I was letting him go all over again. What the fuck was wrong with me?

I got myself back inside the house and shut the door. My legs shook so hard I slumped against the wall. The moment had blasted me again.

Ronnie. This is it. This is actually it.

“Oh, Mum,” Hannah called me from the kitchen, and I forced a smile onto my face.

“Yeah, Han?” I hoped it wasn’t a maths question. I hated maths. So did she judging by the inky black marks in her workbook.

“Nonna was being weird.” She chewed her bottom lip.

“Yeah, I think I’ve annoyed her. I’ll sort it, okay?”

“She says she’s getting a place with a wet room?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know, Hannah. I really don’t know.” I waited for her to ask what she wanted to ask. I watched it skit across her face. “Everything okay?”

“You and Aunty Ange are rowing?”

“We aren’t rowing, Hannah. She’s had a bit too much wine, which I don’t advocate.” I flashed her a smile. “We are friends. All friends get cross occasionally.”

She nodded.

“You and Annabelle have fights, don’t you?”

“Yes, but I’d like to think she was my friend above everything else.”

“That’s good. That’s the best way to be.” I turned for the door. How far away would Matthew be? I could still catch him if he was on foot.

“Mum?”

“Yes?”

“That guy at the door, the one you picked me up with from the party?”

“Matthew Carling?”