Page 111 of If We Were Young

Matthew shot a frown at him but ignored the call. I glanced at Ewan and Jack, but they seemed oblivious.

“I’d like to thank everyone for coming and spending the time remembering my dad. He and I might not have always seen eye to eye, but I know now how much he did for us, for everyone.”

Lynn dabbed at her eyes and my throat tightened a little. I didn’t know the man, but I could sense what he meant to everyone.

“Let’s drink more and dance a wee tune.” I warmed like a hot potato with his Scottish twang. “And remember the old man the way he deserves.”

Everyone cheered and pulled along in the moment, like I drifted down a stream under the hot sun, I joined in. I met Matthew’s gaze and held it.

Lynn was wrong about the reset button.

I’d found mine and it was time to press it.

“I think we should dance.” He caught my hand and reeled me in, his nose skimming my cheek. I tried to pull back. Jack was asleep but Ewan still stared at a handheld computer game with his cousins in a corner.

“There’s no dance floor.”

“It’s a family tradition to dance in the front room.” His hand skimmed the bare skin of my back, pressing me into his body.

“I can’t just dance in someone’s house. The setting has to be right, the music. It’s not just a free for all.”

“Come.” His whisper brushed against my ear and I let him lead me to the front room. I had the feeling people were watching but I couldn’t look around to check. I ducked my head into his chest and breathed in time with the rise and fall of his breath.

He moved us gently to the music. A small rotation with his hand on my spine. His touch burned me and imprinted me with his mark.

“Are you having fun?” His lips brushed my earlobe and a shiver slipped down my back.

“Yeah. Your family is… fun.”

“Crazy?” His smile pressed against my cheek.

“No, fun. I could never imagine what they would be like, but now I’ve seen them I can’t think it possible for them to be any other way.”

“It hasn’t always been like this.” Another touch of his lips glanced on my ear. I shivered again and he pulled me in tighter. From across the room there was an ‘oooh’. He spun me around, his hips pressed to mine, a rhythm so natural it didn’t feel much like dancing at all.

“What was it like?”

“Stressful. When Dad was sick it was hard on all of us. Everything changed very quickly. Within a few months, moments like this vanished. It’s only now we’re getting them back.”

I lifted my head and met his gaze. “Because of you getting your divorce. They don’t like Julie, do they?”

His laugh barked dry and short. “There isn’t much to like.”

“You must have loved her to marry her though. I know you, Matthew. You would never have done it if you weren’t one hundred percent sure.”

His eyes darkened, inky and dangerous in their depths. His gaze was the water of a lake when you didn’t know how deep it would be.

He didn’t answer.

“You were a good son doing what you did. You’ve always been brave, said what you feel.” I chased down that old memory again. The one I’d spent forever regretting. “You were brave when you knocked on my door that day.” My chest tightened.

“Not enough.”

“How would you have helped your dad if I’d said yes?” A flutter bloomed in my chest. This question weighed with importance.

Our conversation ended with the shout of Liam roaring with laughter. “Oh my god, do you remember when we lost Matthew on his stag do and then the next day we had to ring Julie and tell him we didn’t know where he was, but that Dad had promised to get him to the church on time.”

Matthew whirled me around, so I didn’t face them. His hips swayed to the music, lulling me into a feeling of security. His warm hand clutched mine tight, palm to palm, fingers woven.