Page 77 of Tabloid Princess

“Tell me.” He turned, placing his hand on the back of the sofa, his glass of wine balancing against the back cushion.

“She likes toasted sandwiches.”

“Well then I shall win her over.”

I frowned. “I don’t think you guys get to meet. It doesn’t work like that.”

He didn’t say anything, but his questioning gaze pulled me in.

“It’s why I don’t date. I’ve never wanted her to be exposed to anything like that.”

“What do you mean? Exposed?” His expression grew thoughtful.

“Uh. When I was growing up, I didn’t have a dad. I don’t know who he is. My mum, even if she knew, never bothered to tell me.”

He nodded, silently.

“But that wasn’t to say that men weren’t all too regular.” I found myself lifting a hand and placing it over his wrist. My touch burning against his skin. “My mother was a heroin addict.” I shrugged, locking back the dark and shady memories. “How she paid for her hits I don’t know.” I hesitated. “I didn’t want to know. All I can tell you is that growing up, safety wasn’t something I experienced.”

His face froze into a still mask. This would be the bit that scared him away. I kept my hand on his arm, because if this was going to end at any moment, I wanted to know I squeezed every drop of enjoyment out of it. I’d be able to keep that with me as I shut myself off and continued with my life the way I’d always lived it.

“Janine saved my life. Literally.”

He nodded. “I guessed that.”

“She found my nana, I didn’t even know Nana existed. My mum always said we didn’t have family. What I later found out was that she meant we didn’t have family she hadn’t spurned and ignored for a long time, breaking their hearts. Nana helped me stay afloat while I managed to scrape some exam passes—and look after a baby.”

His watchful gaze, trained on my face, intensified until I wasn’t sure I’d be able to speak again.

Finally, I managed to force the words. “I’m sure you saw the headlines about me being a teenage mum.”

He dipped his head, just slightly, giving me the space to fill in the story if I wanted.

“Daisy is six. I was fifteen when I found out I was expecting her.” I shook my head gently. “Bit of a shock.”

“How so?” He shifted closer then, his fingers picking up mine and studying them carefully.

“I didn’t even really remember the act itself.” I licked my lips. “As I said, Janine saved me.”

“Were you an addict too?”

The weight of the past pressed against my chest. “No. When I hit fifteen, I really didn’t know anything different. I knew Mum was a mess. I knew she was close to killing herself. But when at parties people started smoking drugs, experimenting, I figured that was just the only way. Everyone did it. Where I lived there was nothing unusual about finding someone drinking in the stairwell first thing in the morning, or worse.

“There was a party, I didn’t really remember anything about it. I woke early and knew I was in the wrong flat, asleep on a bed that wasn’t mine.”

“About three, four weeks later I was able to fill in the blanks of my memory.”

“You must have been so scared,” he whispered.

“Yeah.” My voice lowered, matching his. “I didn’t want an abortion—the thought was awful. Janine and Nana talked about adoption, and that was the plan until I held her. She changed everything.” Tears filled my eyes, prickling and hot. “They put Daisy in my hands. The pain had been awful. The doctors, they didn’t think I’d be able to do it naturally. They were ready to give me a C-section, but I was determined. I didn’t want my body to show the signs of what I’d done.” I breathed in deep, trying to keep steady. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. “But then they put her on me, made me lay her on my skin. She was bright red, her skin wrinkled like an old man. And it happened.”

“What happened?”

“I fell in love. The one and only time. I thought my heart would burst. I know that sounds cliché, but I really did. It was like it had doubled in size. She had made a mark on my body, just on my heart. There was no way I could have given her up. I fought hard. Everyone told me it was the hormones. Told me they’d settle down and fade.” I shook my head and then smiled up at him. “I knew they wouldn’t.”

“That’s why you don’t date?”

“Exactly. I’d hate for her to have any confusion about where she stood or what was happening in her home.”