Page 19 of Tabloid Princess

I stood and stretched my stiff legs. Janine looked up, but I guessed the expression on my face told her not to question where I was going. She gave me a wan smile and then turned her attention back to where she was going through a guest list for the “Birthday Ball.”

My stomach heaved a little when I thought of the ball. It was exposure for Bright Futures that Janine would never have dreamt of in her wildest dreams. I just hoped that I wouldn’t have to go, although I had a feeling it was part of my job, ugh.

“What’s up?” Molly had already lit her cigarette and she took a deep drag, her back resting against the wall of the building. I stood in the sun, lifting my face to the still warm rays, instead of joining her in the shade.

“Nothing. Nothing’s up at all; why do you ask?”

“You seem moodier than usual.”

I arched a brow. “Moodier than usual? That’s rude.”

“Is it because of the mothers in the playground this morning?”

I nibbled my lip. In five minutes, Daisy would be finishing for the day, while I’d still be here on the other side of town. Nana would get to hear about her day in that first rush of excitement as it tripped off her tongue. I’d get the edited highlights later. “No. I just…” I paused, unwilling to express my conflicted emotions.

“Just what?”

“Well, all this?” I waved my hand at the shabby door to BF. “Yesterday, everything was normal. Okay, maybe not yesterday, last week rather. And now look at it. It’s a circus. What if this exposure we get isn’t positive? What if there’s a reason why we are small fry?”

Molly swept a searching gaze across my face before meeting my eyes. “This isn’t a worry about the charity, this is a projection of the way you see yourself.”

“What? Don’t turn this into something about me.” My arms folded across my chest.

“No, Leia, it’s true. You are in a tower so damn high it’s a miracle you don’t have vertigo.”

“That’s unfair. I just don’t want anyone to get hurt.”

“No. You don’t want to get hurt. You don’t want people to know about the charity because you are worried if they don’t support us, it means in some roundabout way that they don’t approve of you. Same as you don’t date because you are worried someone will break your heart. It’s all a protection thing with you.”

“That’s not true. I don’t date because I want to protect Daisy.”

“Bullshit.”

“I don’t want men coming in and out of her life. I don’t want her to be confused about who people are, and what they mean. One girl should never have that many uncles.”

“Leia! You are talking about yourself! You aren’t your mother. There is some nice guy out there who would love you and your daughter like his own.”

“Or there is some guy out there who would pretend to love us and then leave. No.” I burned a fiery glare at Molly. “No, it’s better this way. If she only knows me, knows I will always be there, then I can’t let her down.”

Molly stared at me for a long moment, her lips pressed into a firm line of dissatisfaction. “And when she’s left, gone to university, met a man of her own, and you are still young but utterly on your own, what then?”

“Well then I will live.”

She shook her head but didn’t say anything else.

“Anyway, you are wrong. I’m just worried that the reason we are a small charity is because the situations we deal with, well it isn’t homeless puppies and all that cute cosy stuff people gush over. This is real, gritty. We are talking life and death here, addiction and destruction. People are scared by base human desires. No one gets watery eyes when reading about a crack addict living in a squat.”

“But that isn’t all we are about. We are about families too. Keeping them together. Finding one another even in darkness. You know that better than anyone.”

I studied a crack in the pavement where a small weed had managed to work its way through the grouting, improbable but striving all the same.

“Anyway.” She stubbed out her cigarette against the wall of the building. “Is Nana still babysitting on Friday, so we can go out for our drink?”

“Does she ever let us down?”

“Nope. We all need a Nana in our life.” She cocked her head. “You know Patrick is always excited for Fridays.”

I stifled a groan. “Molly, don’t! You know it breaks all the friendship codes. He’s your brother.”