Page 60 of Scars of Silk

I take a deep breath, finding the strength to say what I need to say. “And also, that I’m going to be moving on for a while.”

Abi stares at me blankly and Adam’s knee stops bouncing. “What do you mean moving on?” Abi asks, her voice rising a notch like it has my entire life when she’s not liking something she’s hearing. It gets a shrill edge, sharper, brain drilling.

Just as I’m about to say more a cloud of dark curls barrels down the stairs and launches against my legs. “Uncle Danny.”

Charlotte squeezes me so damn tight and for a moment the words I was about to say evaporate as I bend down and hug her hard, a lump forming in my throat. Crouching down on my knees I give her a proper hug. “Hey, princess. Have you been good for mummy?”

Her hazel eyes blink at me. “Mummy was cross with you. She called you a naughty word.”

I lift my head and meet Abi’s gaze. She shrugs but her cheeks tinge a little.

“I know. I’ve been very, very naughty but I here to say I’m sorry.” Her little arms tighten around my neck and I wonder if I can find the strength to leave these people, this place that’s been my home my entire life. Am I strong enough to give myself the new start I so desperately need?

In a year of facing all the things no one person ever wants to face, here I am at the crossroads staring down one last challenge.

“Do you want to stay for dinner and tell us about it?” Abi’s voice is soft, and it makes me glance up, catching tears in her eyes.

“I’d love that.”

I straighten up and pull Charlotte with me, twirling around.

For the first time I’m able to be the Uncle Danny she remembers, just as I’m about to say goodbye.

“Ibiza?” Adam takes a sip of his beer.

“Well, it’s got to be better than Brighton, right?”

Abi is silent. Too quiet.

“It’s a long way, mate. Are you sure? Your dad left you a good business here.”

I take a sip of my water. “It’s what I need right now. I’m not saying I’m never coming back. I just need a change. Losing Dad, it’s had more of an impact than I think I’ve acknowledged, even to myself. And then with Faith. I know we messed up there, and it’s not that I don’t want her to be happy. I do, believe me. I just want to be happy too.”

Abi’s gaze is on my face. “And girls in bikinis and drunks making bad ink choices is going to help you?”

I laugh, throwing my head back, a solid blast of mirth, freeing more of those dark shadows that follow me everywhere I go. “Girls in bikinis can’t be a bad thing, right?”

Adam nods, but quickly shuts up as Abi turns her 'don’t shit me' stare onto him.

“And anyway, it’s only for a few months. It’s out of season over there. Barry just wants someone who can keep an eye on things and then open up at the start of the season. If he gets a good trade with some decent recommendations going about, then he will be busy all summer.

“So you will manage someone else’s shop instead of working in your own?”

I shrug. “For now.” Now it’s time to ask my next question without sounding like a total tool. It’s been on the tip of my tongue the entire meal. “Actually, Abs, could you do me a favour?”

“Sure, what?”

“That Sienna chick, she left some stuff at the house. I want to get it all locked up while I’m away, it wouldn’t be right to leave her stuff there. Could you text her and ask her address and I’ll post it back?”

“No worries. I’m going up to see Faith next week.” She watches me to see if I flinch at the mention of Faith’s name, but I don’t. “I can take it with me if you want?”

Bollocks.

“No, no it’s fine. I’ll just pop it in the post. I’ll be on my way tomorrow.”

“So soon?”

My shoulder lift and fall again. “I think some space would do me good. And also Vinny will want me to fight again, and I’d rather not go back down that route.” I hesitate. “Will you tell Faith I’m sorry?”