Page 71 of Tears of Gold

I snap open the box and stare at the pen inside. Silver and lightweight, it’s beautiful, and I know it’s top of the range. Pulling it free of its foam packing, I balance it in my hand.

“Just for you. Brighton is behind me, Eli. I don’t want to go there. I don’t want a place I can run to if it means I’m running from you.”

He nods but shadows chase in the depths of the blues.

I point at the chaise longue and with a shit-eating grin because he knows he’s got me to do exactly what he wants, he heads over and lies face down.

I think for a moment as I set up the equipment. Last time I gave him a yin and yang to celebrate the two halves of him, in the hope it would always be the half that he wanted to be that would win. Things have changed now though. Now he’s heir, he’s got to fight harder to be who he wants.

Fight for himself like he did for Melanie.

Fight for us.

Fight and win.

With an instinct that almost overtakes me from the inside out, I lift his shirt, pulling it off his back. He shifts slightly so I can tug it over his head and then settles back down, relaxed and trusting. The vivid blue of the yin and yang stares at me, whimsical almost with its shades of blue and splashes of purple. That was for the summer for dreams we didn’t know could come true, fights we didn’t know we would have to face. Back when Peter was still here, and we thought the hardest thing would be choosing one another and ourselves.

Still the fight goes on. I have a baby in my tummy that needs us to fight every day.

Without words, I start the machine and bed the nib in black and then with the lightest touch I can brush against his beautiful skin, I work freehand and without a guide as I ink a glorious ‘V’ filled with waves of the sea across his bare shoulder blade.

V for victory.

A victory we need to win; this battle for our lives.

Seventeen

At some point soon I’m going to stop being sick. At some point soon, I hope.

I’ve only managed to get to three lectures this week. Questions are being asked. Gerard is in some full-on hissy girls fit. Even the Dean has called. I can’t tell anyone though. I don’t want anyone to know yet.

“Angela wants to meet you.” I glance up at Laura. She’s the other side of the kitchen table tapping away on her laptop. I’m giving myself a clap on the back. I haven’t been sick or gagged in the last half an hour. Miss Beesley has just put a new tray of biscuits on a cooling rack, but even the biscuits aren’t cutting it. It’s been like this for three days. Tonight, we are holding a celebration dinner for Eli’s team and Philip Duncan. Tabitha is coming and Jeremy, although Lewis hasn’t yet confirmed either way. He’s been on my mind the last couple of days. I don’t think Eli’s victory has brought him much respite from the anger that roils within him. He reminds me of Dan so very much. My childhood friend is still not answering my calls. I don’t even know why I’m still calling him; our last conversation was painfully clear as to his thoughts on our friendship.

“Faith, did you hear me? Jeez, you look terrible. I can’t believe this viral thing has taken it out of you so bad. You should get back down the doctors.”

“Ah yes, the viral thing.” I nod and watch Miss Beesley walk behind Laura smirking. I don’t think my housekeeper is happy with the arrival of my PA. There has been some stepping on toes, but I am leaving them to fight it out. Honestly, I never thought I’d have the problem of a PA and a housekeeper squaring up to one another—and right now I can’t deal with it. I can literally lurch from one moment to the next in some dismal pathetic display of functioning in early pregnancy.

“So, Angela, shall I tell her you can see her on Monday? She wants to arrange interviews for your co-star.”

I pull a face. I don’t want a co-star. Hell, I don’t even know if I want to do this anymore. Everyone keeps saying it’s the opportunity of a lifetime, but I already signed up to one of those when I agreed to work at Bowsley, and it did change my life for the better—I met Elijah. To have another life changing moment so soon afterwards seems greedy almost. “Yes okay. Monday.”

“And did you call Barringtons yesterday to discuss them taking your work?”

“There was no answer.” I’m lying outright now.

I rub at my face with my palm. Laura’s enthusiasm is exhausting, and it’s got nothing to do with my own energy levels being at an all-time low.

“And tomorrow you and Eli are lunching at Bowsley to discuss wedding plans.” I groan and it takes everything I have not to put my head on the table.

“We haven’t even set a date yet,” I grumble.

“That will all be discussed tomorrow, I’m sure.”

Eli and I haven’t even talked about the wedding. The lentil in the tummy situation has overruled everything else.

“Marvellous. Is there anything else? I need to get ready. I’ve got a lot to organise before the dinner tonight.”

“No, I think that is it. Can you check your calendar though over the weekend in case I add anything else in?” Please don’t add anything else.