Page 107 of Tears of Gold

“You aren’t and I’m not helping.” His hands palm through his hair, pulling at the short lengths.

“The papers, they’ve printed about me.”

“So? Do you care?”

“Of course I fucking care. I don’t want people knowing your wife is some fucked-up mess.”

“So, show them you aren’t. Show me.”

“I don’t know how.”

“Even when you aren’t running you never stop.” Bending down he picks up the photograph Dan dropped. “Since we met, I’ve seen you tangled in your secrets. Faith, I love you, but I can’t live with secrets.”

Holy shit. He’s going to say it.

“But I don’t keep them because I want to hurt you.”

He steps closer and I shudder a breath. “I know, but they hurt you and I can’t stand by and watch that happen. I love you and I love our baby, so damn much. I want everything, with you, for you.” Tears slip down his face. Whimpering, I wipe at them with my hands. His skin burns beneath my touch and I sear it into my skin in case I never get to feel it again. “But my whole life has been spent surrounded by secrets. My own brother lived his whole life a lie. A lie he had to carry all by himself.” He chokes on his words. “I can’t do that.”

"Please don’t leave me.”

Grabbing my hand, he lifts it to his mouth, his lips pressing into the skin of my palm. “I’ll be here for you and the baby, and I’ll be waiting for you to find a way to be with me with an open heart.”

“Eli. I’ll tell you everything. Sit down now and I will tell you every second of what happened.”

“No, Faith! I don’t want you to tell me because I’ve forced it. Or I’ve overheard something I shouldn’t. I want you to tell me because there is no other way for it to be.”

“Eli.”

Leaning closer, his lips press gently into my forehead. He can’t be leaving me. He can’t.

He is. I know it. My heart, which is hanging so heavy in my chest I don’t know how to stand, is telling me so.

“Be happy.”

“I am, with you.”

He shakes his head. “Be happy because you are, because your heart is free.”

“You are talking shit. How can I be happy if I’m in love with you and you’ve walked away and broken my heart?”

He steps away and it actually hurts me. “Eli, please.”

“I’ll go back to the Mews. You stay here, you’ve got Miss Beesley.”

“I am not staying in this house without you.”

“Where else are you going to go?”

“I’ll go—”

“You’ll run?”

“Shut up. Stop putting words in my mouth.” I pull at the ring he put on my finger, the empty promise tied with gold and diamonds. “Here.”

“I don’t want your ring, Faith.” His words crackle and strain on their way out. “I just want you. You are the only thing I’ve ever wanted. But I will never be enough for you, not until you make a stand.”

With one last agonised glance he walks through the door. I want to chase after him. I want to give him everything he wants and needs but I can’t. I’m rooted to the spot.