Page 104 of Tears of Gold

Part of us.

Twenty-Four

“Are you coming back home or going to the office?”

I hate the hesitation running through my words.

He catches my hand, wheeling me around and into his space. “Home.” The tension I’ve been holding washes down through me, and my limbs ache with heaviness.

“Faith?” He steps closer, fingers tucking a strand of hair around my ears.

“I’m just tired.” I don’t need to tell him I haven’t slept without him, he knows it. His lips crimp into that straight line that is nothing like the Eli I love.

“I'm sorry.”

I shake my head. “I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry I can’t be like a normal woman and behave in the right ways.”

“Don’t ever apologise to me for who you are.”

An overwhelming darkness fills my vision. Who are you, Faith? I can’t even answer myself.

“Come, let's get you home.” He turns and signals for a black cab and helps me inside. I lean against him, my eyes shut. In my bag is the picture of my baby, the one I need to fight for.

I’ll fight, but I need to sleep first.

He ushers me in through the front door and I can sense the tension rolling off him in waves. “I need to call Fitzpatrick and find out what’s happening with the police in Brighton.” His keys clang into the bowl on the antique sideboard in the hallway. “Would you like me to organise you some tea and biscuits and bring them to bed?”

Organise tea and biscuits? Is he for real? Why does he sound so strange? I hate it. Tears prickle my eyes. “Sure.” I place my foot on the bottom step.

Everything is crashing around my head.

The court case.

Dan in bruises and covered in tubes.

Eli and the ocean of distance between us.

Destruction reigns free.

Endless and unrelenting.

“Faith,” He calls me back. The skin around his eyes is crinkled, worry lining his face. “I will make sure you get justice. Don’t worry about that.”

My shoulders slump. “What are you going to do, Eli? Throw money at it until the problem of my past goes away?”

“What? That’s unfair.” The blues open wide.

“Is it? How much are you paying Reggie?”

“That’s irrelevant.”

Why are we rowing again? Why can’t I let it go? I want to. My tongue tingles with a ‘nevermind'. But I can’t quite say it. Instead I sigh and say, “Sienna brought around some files you requested yesterday.”

His mouth opens in shock. “Faith, it’s not what you think.”

“Like you don’t think if you can find my mother it will help me?”

“No. I think if you find your mother it will give you a sense of knowing who you are.”