Page 125 of Tears of Glass

I slip into the darkness only to find Jennings by the MG. “I thought you might want these.” He holds out the keys which Elijah only gave him half an hour before, back when I promised I would make this work.

I take them and nod and then I’m gone.

Chapter Thirty-Two

I slide my key into the keyhole and walk into the darkness and an apparent cesspit judging by the smell. This time I didn’t cry on the train back to Brighton. I didn’t have to worry about having people stare at me. I just don’t have any more tears left to shed for the mess my life has become. Instead, I sat as still as a statue while I let go of the fragments of my heart. On the last train ride down my heart had been smashed, obliterated. But then tentatively, I’d allowed it to reform, to grow and beat again. This time I’m the one breaking it. I’ll carve it out and bury it in a deep grave. A tomb for my love, hopes, and dreams.

How could I not run?

How could I stay?

“Who’s there?” Dan’s voice is gruff, hoarser than I remember it being the last time we spoke. I flick the light on and see why. Cigarette packets litter the place, along with empty beer cans, clear glass bottles once full but now empty, and various sandwich packets, some still containing contents long past their sell-by date.

“It’s me,” I whisper. I don’t know what I’m going to find here. I’ve ruined everything between us, and no longer know what to expect. His bare feet and legs come down the stairs and I breathe a sigh of relief when the rest of him comes into view. Thank God, he has clothes on. Well, boxers.

“What the hell, Faith?” He’s not pleased to see me. No smile. No hug. No Dan shaped band-aid to stick on my hurt. He stops and stares, his body frozen on the bottom step. His eyes sweep along me from top to toe and I can’t interpret the emotions locked within their depths. It takes forever for him to speak and then he sighs loudly, finally defrosting his frozen body and rubbing a hand through his hair. “What the fuck are you wearing, Faith?” I’ve still got the black floor-length dress on. Another dress to burn.

“More than you,” I counter.

“It’s my house.”

I drop my shoulders, finally letting them relax. “Am I not welcome anymore?”

Dan comes down the last step but doesn’t come any closer. I swallow hard as I view the chasm of distance between us.

“Jeez, Dan, you look awful.”

“Thanks. Always one with the compliments, aren’t you, Faith?”

“I’m not being rude, but you just look... Where have you been? I’ve been calling you. Abi didn’t know where you were...” I trail off. What does he look like? Broken? Destroyed? “I’m sorry.” The tears finally come. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here for you.”

He shrugs a half-hearted lift of his shoulders. “I haven’t exactly been giving you much choice.”

“It’s not the point. I should have come and made you talk to me. That’s what best friends are supposed to do.”

“What happened, Faith? Why have you run here again?” He rubs at his face, and lines I’ve never noticed before etch into his skin.

“Dad turned up at the Faircloughs. He’s pissed that Al left me half of the shop.” Dan stares at me, but doesn’t speak, so I carry on. “Why didn’t you tell me? About the will?”

“Because I’m pretty mad at the old man right now. He shouldn’t have done that without discussing it.”

“Because you don’t want to be near me anymore.” Honestly, it’s just as well I shut off my newly healed heart on the train because his look would near on kill it. It slices clean through me: regret, despair, and hurt.

“Because I can’t pretend I just want to be your friend. And you’re in love with someone else.”

“I’m sorry. If it’s any consolation I think Eli and I are over for good.”

“Because your dad turned up?”

“Because I’m never going to fit with them, or him. It’s just a dream.”

Dan’s arms fold across his chest. “So, you came running back here? Just like you always do. Run back to Dan, good old Daniel will fix everything.” The tendons in his neck stand out and he crosses his arms across his chest.

“I don’t have anywhere else to go, Dan. You’re all the family I have.”

His eyes, normally so soft and welcoming, harden as he pauses. “That’s not true anymore, Faith. You have other people who love you now.”

“You want me to go?”