Page 61 of The Commander

Her husband, Carl, runs into the kitchen. “What’s—”

“Get out! You keep talking.” Jeannie points at both of us while my brain seeks an exit from this conversation.

“Do not scream like that while carrying my baby,” Carl growls, and I almost smile.

“Get, get, get.” Jeannie waves him off.

“No one told me marriage would be like this,” he mutters and walks out like someone killed his puppy.

We both chuckle.

Pangs of envy shimmer through me once again, and I wonder if it’s normal to feel like this when your BFF is pregnant. One of us had to be first, I guess. Then again, I’m hardly taking steps to create a family.

I’m dating Mark.

We’re not serious.

My career is my focus, and each year my eggs age. Every magazine on Earth reminds me of that, along with my mother and life around me.

Am I being flippant?

Do I not want a family of my own? I picture Noah and I married with children running around, and it flips my tummy upside down.

Not that it would necessarily be him.

Of course it would...except, what if he gave up on me and that vision was replaced with some other woman? The butterflies sink heavily, and I’m irrationally angry with him for something he hasn’t yet done.

When I focus back on the screen, Jeannie is glaring. “Speak.”

“Fine. Noah went down on me, and I fell asleep after the most incredible orgasm of my life. Oh my god.” I cover my face with my hands. “It was so good. Better than anything I’ve imagined, Jeannie.”

“Damn.”

“I woke up to him cuddling me, and it was...nice.”

“Nice?”

“Amazing. I mean, it’s Noah.”

“The man you should marry.”

“The one man I can’t marry.” I shake my head.

She sighs. “What if he is the guy you should spend your life with? I know I’m all loved up and pregnant, and you think it’s hormones...and it is...but hear me out, Quinn. Your career is important to you, and I respect that, but have you ever wondered if it’s too important?”

My brows lift, annoyed, despite the question sneaking into my thoughts recently. “You sound like my father.”

“Yeah, but he’s told you a thousand times you couldn’t and shouldn’t do this, and you’ve proven him wrong. Maybe it’s tim—”

“No. I can’t,” I interrupt. “If I dated him, it would negate everything. They know that he was my CO and promoted me up the ranks for those first few years. Even now, he’s one of the trainers.”

It’s like we are cursed.

“You should think about what’s going to be important to you when you’re thirty, forty, even fifty.”

“Wrinkle cream?” I smile, but she’s not laughing. “I do. I’ll still want to be a soldier.”

I think.