Page 49 of The Commander

To be the most important thing in her world?

The familiar pang in my chest returns. Never in a million years would I have expected to feel rejection. I had no trouble getting a girlfriend or getting laid from the moment I learned the other use for my cock.

Until Quinn.

This damn gorgeous woman.

As I feel her lips against mine, I wonder if this is what my father felt for my mother. An all-encompassing love and need to protect and own her. I don’t delve too deeply into that for gross and obvious reasons, but she broke him, as Quinn could do to me.

Mom left.

She packed her bags and drove away one day when I was three. She never came back.

To this day, I don’t know why. Nor do I know what happened to her or if she’s still alive. I’ve never searched or wanted to know.

My father grew more and more bitter every year. He never dated. He never answered my questions about where Mom was or whether she was coming home. Eventually, his drinking became a problem.

“She loved you,” Dad would say after his fourth drink. “She loved me, too, son. But she couldn’t.”

The first few times, I saw this as a chance to get the answers I sought. So, I pushed him.

“Why not, Dad? Where is she?”

“Gone.” He’d glance into the distance. “Gone. Her soul is gone. She has no heart anymore, son.”

The hell?

“Is she in Texas?” I prompted. “Does she have our phone number?”

Maybe she was trying to find us and had lost the number. I’d lain awake many nights worried this might be the case.

“She isn’t coming back.” He shook his head and lifted the bottle to his mouth. “She’s never coming back.

“But you said she loves me!” I cried, all of about twelve and really wanting my mom.

I barely remembered her, but occasionally I’d recall her brushing her fingers through my short hair, her scent—or what I thought was her scent—and her smile. Maybe even her voice as she told me I was her sweet little boy.

Dad slammed the bottle down. “She’s a witch! She deserted us both. Forget her. We both need to forget her.”

How does a mother who loves their child just walk away and never come back for them? I could never reconcile that in my head or my heart. Watching my father fall more and more apart over the years was a way of disassociating my own pain and feeling of rejection.

Was this why I had fallen for Quinn?

Didn’t they say you repeat patterns from childhood or some such fucking thing?

If she wanted me, would I want Quinn quite as much?

I’d already made life-changing decisions for this woman. Leaving the military. While she’d never asked me to do it, I knew it would open the door to being with Quinn.

Until I knew it wouldn’t.

The military was my life, but I knew I’d never be a lifer like some. Leaving was always part of my long-term plan; I just wasn’t sure when or what I’d do. When BHS came knocking, and with Quinn as a motivator, the decision was easier than I’d expected.

Now here she is, in my arms, the scent of her orgasm on my lips and fingers.

I couldn’t let her bolt.

Not like I did the night of my leaving party.