Page 114 of Backup Plan

“Oh,” I say softly, and my chest aches for my boys. They deserve a dad who loves them unconditionally…and un-manipulatively. But the truth is that if he really did love them the way a parent should love their children, he never would have agreed to my terms.

He would’ve put in the time and effort he needed to in order to make sure they grew up knowing him and his love. Instead, he put that time and effort into his career and his mistresses.

“Why won’t we see him for a while?” Benji asks, and I hear the sadness in his voice.

I’m in the middle of a busy street, or I’d pull over to have this conversation with them. At the same time, it almost feels easier to have it this way. I can answer their questions honestly, and we don’t have tablets or other people or video games interfering with our conversation. I turn off the radio, too, as I sigh as I try to figure out the most diplomatic way to say this without ever tarnishing his image in their eyes.

“You know Daddy and me are going through a divorce, right?” I begin.

“Yeah?” Sammy says.

“That’s why we’re staying at Grammy’s house, right?” Benji asks.

“Right,” I say.

“And why we were at Uncle Liam’s,” he adds.

“Yes,” I say.

“Wait, why did we have to leave Uncle Liam's house?” Sammy asks.

“It’s complicated. He’s leaving for San Diego, and I thought it was best we left when he’s not in town. And with your dad, well, the judge decided that it was best if you stay with me all the time to keep things consistent.”

“What’s consistent mean?” Benji asks.

“Hm,” I murmur as I try to think through the definition of the word. I can never think of what something means when I’m put on the spot, and Benji’s always asking me what things mean.

“It means like the same,” Sammy says.

“Yes! That’s right,” I say. “Stable, normal, regular. My job is to love you and to keep you safe, and it’s okay to be upset or to be happy or to feel however you feel about all of it. You can always tell me anything, and we’ll work through it together. Okay?”

“Okay,” Benji says, my sweet little agreeable baby.

“No,” Sammy mutters.

“No?” I ask.

He starts to cry, and dammit, I wish I could hold him. “It sucks! First we lose Uncle Liam, and then we lose Dad.”

I wish I could point out that they never saw Dad, that they deserved so much better than someone who pawned them off on a nanny every weekend, but I keep my mouth shut on that one.

“I’m so, so sorry about all of this, baby,” I say softly. “But you have me, and you have Grammy. And I’m going to work hard to make things better for us. Okay?”

Sammy cries quietly, and when I glance in the mirror, I see Benji kick his leg in some five-year-old’s attempt to try to cheer him up.

“Stop!” Sammy yells at him.

I think I’m going to have my hands full with these two...but there’s no challenge I’m more equipped for.

CHAPTER 36: Liam Bradley

My New Best Friend

I’ve spent the last few days putting together a plan.

Babies sleep a lot, and I’m home all the time with her—for this week, anyway. I need to get back to San Diego.

I’ve done a lot of online searching. I’ve held Zoom calls with potential nannies, all names I’ve gotten from the player operations division of the San Diego Storm. None of them feels like the right fit yet. I’ve spoken with young, hot blondes, with older women who are nothing like Dolores, and with everyone in the middle between the two extremes. No one seems good enough for Liora, who I’m falling more and more in love with every single day.