Page 106 of Backup Plan

It wasn’t more time or modified time with the kids.

It’s no time with the kids. He doesn’t even see them when they’re there. He pawns them off on Heather.

Why didn’t I see this before?

Wouldn’t his life be so much easier if he didn’t have to worry about them at all?

When we first got married, I was the one who wanted a family.

I was the one who first brought up kids, and now that I think about it, I think maybe he only did it to appease me. He thought he was being a good husband. He loves the boys, surely. But it’s obvious to me now that he’s always prioritized his ambition over his family.

Case in point—cheating on me. Hiring a nanny. Hell, he probably has no clue what to do with them when he doesn’t have someone else there. I try to think of a time when it was just him alone with the boys for longer than the span of a movie, and I’m drawing a blank. There’s always someone else there. It was me for the longest time. My mom, if I couldn’t be. A babysitter or a friend or a neighbor. Heather. Maybe the woman he was kissing at the basketball game.

And it all makes sense now.

I think about texting Alexander, but it’s just after midnight. I’ll text him in the morning.

But I’m too keyed up to sleep. And you know what?

I realize this is a conversation I want to have with Brent without lawyers present.

Because maybe that’s part of it for him, too. Image means a lot to him, and if his image is taking a beating because he doesn’t look like a good dad, then he’ll fight harder to try to appear so from the outside even if he’s never with his kids behind closed doors.

I think about how to word this. I think about the best way to handle it.

I open my phone and navigate toward my text thread with Brent.

He silences notifications when he’s sleeping. They’re not silenced now.

Me: Are you awake?

Brent: Yes. Why?

I realize he might think something’s wrong. It’s not. For the first time in a long time, things are starting to feel like they could actually be right.

Me: Everything’s okay. I just need to talk to you. Can I come by?

Brent: I have meetings all day tomorrow.

Me: I meant now.

I watch the bubbles appear and disappear. Is he typing and deleting his messages? Not sure what to say? Not sure how to let me down?

Brent: Fine. Come on by.

I leap off the couch and run to my mom’s bedroom. I gently shake her awake.

“Huh? Wha—?”

“Mom!”

“Penny?”

“I need to run out for a few minutes. Are you okay with the boys?”

“Yes, of course. What’s wrong? Is it the boys?”

I giggle at her total lack of awareness. “No, the boys are okay. I just…I need to go take care of something.”