Page 46 of The Lies We Play

Creed: That would mean I’ve kissed you already, and we’re not in that place.

Liv: Convenient technicality.

Creed: Accurate technicality. You keep saying I travel too much to be datable.

Liv: You do.

Creed: What are we, Liv?

The message is sent before I can make it less . . . vulnerable.

I stare at it.

Cam says something to someone across the room. A shower turns on. Tape rips. Someone laughs. The world continues to operate as if I have not just asked a question that might rearrange a life I have been carefully pretending is simple.

The dots appear.

Liv: Are we going to start?

Creed: Maybe.

Then I add.

Creed: For the record, I’m not jealous. I’d like to know more about us.

That is a lie with better manners.

I am jealous.

Not in an ugly way. Not in a way that wants to own her. It is cleaner and worse than that. I want to be the person she texts when something interesting happens. I want to be the one she looks for in a room. I want to know what her face does when she finds me.

I already am, maybe.

Liv: We can’t kiss because if I like it, I’ll be hooked. If I don’t, it’ll be awkward.

I close my eyes for one second.

Liv: Very awkward.

Creed: You might like it.

Liv: That was very confident.

Creed: I’m a confident man.

Liv: You’re a hockey player with a literature problem and commitment restrictions.

Creed: Still confident.

Liv: What if I like it too much and fall in love? Your rule about not falling for anyone until you’re famous and the best goes down the drain.

Creed: What if you fall in love with this Halston and I lose my chance?

I don’t know why I say that, but I press send before I can take it back.

Liv: Ooh, the plot thickens. Halston says that he’s intrigued.

I straighten.