Page 166 of Blue Gold

My brows furrowed. “Oh.”

Elliot lifted his head from my shoulder for a second to give me a dirty look. “You’re surprised?”

“No.” I scratched my neck, and in response, he smacked me.

“We’re not all models here, you know?” he said, voice casual.

“I do. I mean, obviously.”

I’m just jealous a new person met you.

“Good… because Steven, that’s his name, was sure that was the case at first. Imagine his surprise when he learned most of the people here are just regular people.”

“You, my friend, are anything but regular.” I rubbed his arm. “You’re marvelous. And you’re mine, so make sure he knows that.”

He laughed. “Well, that I am. But seriously, I’m glad this place helped me change my mind about this whole thing…” He let out a stream of air. “I don’t blame Steven, because at first, I also thought that anorexia was an eating disorder only girls had, and it made me even more ashamed. Obviously, now I know better, and I’m super grateful for it. Did you know that actually, one out of five patients with anorexia is a man?”

I shook my head. “I didn’t know that.”

“Well, now you do.”

I was happy to see Elliot speaking about it so freely, as at first, the word “anorexia” hardly came out of his mouth, and when it did, it was coated with shame. I knew I wasn’t in his shoes, so who was I to judge the way he felt? But to me, since the very beginning, he had nothing to be ashamed of. It was a mental disorder, a complicated one, that was often overlooked and dismissed. Just like he said, people associated it with models, dancers, women, and young teenage girls, but the truth was, it could happen to anyone, no matter gender, age, sex, or job.

“The therapist said they think I’m ready to go home next month.”

“Really?” I shifted back to look at him, surprised.

Meeting my stare, Elliot gave me a slight smile. “Yes.”

I quickly pulled him closer, squeezing him with one arm. “I’m so damn proud of you, Elliot.”

He stayed in the hug for a minute before he tapped my chest, and I released him just a bit.

“It scares me, you know? I’m worried that once I leave this place, I’ll relapse, but then, after talking with the others, I understand that it’s a fear we all share, and it’s helped me to feel… normal?”

I still remembered that one of the first things the physician told us was that anorexia nervosa was the same as any other addiction, and that it wasn’t something you could cure overnight, but it was a process that took a long time and would forever require treatment. And the same as with any addiction, relapse was a possibility. He also went further to explain that there were two types of anorexia and that he suspected Elliot had the restricting type. In this case, individuals often lose weight through extreme dieting, fasting, and excessive exercise. All of these behaviors used to apply to Elliot.

“It’s a legitimate concern, but I’m sure you’ll do great.”

“I’m sure of that, too,” he said, his smile growing.

Seeing his newfound confidence made me burst with joy, enough to make my chest tighten and my jaw hurt from smiling.

“I think I’ll miss this place,” he then added, catching me by surprise.

“Really?”

“Yes, no, I mean… I’ll miss this weather, the sun… I love it here.” Closing his eyes and tilting his head back, he took a deep breath.

The sunrays looked like drops of gold on his long eyelashes as he soaked in the California heat. And I agreed I was warming up to it, too.

“I know, right? The air feels so much cleaner.”

Elliot blinked his eyes open, and they were even brighter than usual.

“Maybe because it is.” He smiled, his French sounding like bells ringing. “Wouldn’t it be amazing to wake up to this every day?”

Brushing a hand over my thick stubble, which I’d grown over the past few months, I considered his words. It would be nice, but where in Manhattan could I find a place close to this? Not even the park had such clean air, and living outside the city sounded like a hassle.