Page 190 of Forgotten Prejudice

“I will, but before that, there’s something I need you to do.”

The door to the room opened, and I glanced at the entrance to find Kai standing beside it, his eyes pinned to the floor.

“I didn’t think you’d want to see me, but then Aiden said you asked to meet,” he said before he rubbed his nose with the back of his palm.

“What are you on about? Of course I do.”

Shocked, he looked up, and our eyes met.

I smiled. “What are you doing standing there? Come here.”

He immediately moved until he was right by my bed.

“Give me a hug, will you?”

Once more, Kai didn’t hesitate before doing exactly as I asked of him, and he eagerly wrapped his arms around me. His hug hurt, but I bore the pain because it was necessary.

“I’m so sorry, Ashy,” he cried into my shoulder, his tears landing on my skin.

“I know.”

“I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too,” I admitted while running my fingers through his long hair. Ah, shit, I’m going to miss it. “I’m sorry for bringing us to this place.”

Kai pulled back yet stayed close enough that I could see every spot and dimple on his sun-kissed face. “You’re not responsible for this, Ashy—”

“I am. I mean, at least, for a part of it.” It wasn’t guilt that made me say those words but responsibility. For the first time in years, I took full responsibility for my behavior.

Kai sat down on the edge of the bed, worry on his face. I took his hand and brought it to my lap. “You see, if it weren’t for me being too weak to be alone, I could have saved us so much pain. But I was never good at it, being alone, that is, and I took the comfort you offered me without thinking about the outcome.”

He shook his head, pulling his hand away. “You make it sound like we never loved each other.”

“Of course we did, just never enough for this to actually work.”

“No.” He looked offended. “That’s not true. I loved you more than anything. Still do.”

I offered him a sad smile. “So I guess I was the problem.” Again, I wasn’t feeling guilty but sad about how things came to an end.

“No. You’re just confused because he’s here again, but deep down, I know you can love me, too. Just the way you used to.”

Ah… he really was breaking my heart.

And while Kai was, without a doubt, my first love, it didn’t make him my last.

“If you just gave me a real chance, I’d be able to show you that we can make it work.” He spoke fast, muttering words I’d already heard, so to make him stop, I cupped his face with one hand.

“Hey, calm down,” I whispered with an easy smile, waiting for him to relax. Once he did, I went on. “We did try, Kai. We had seven years of trying, but it never really worked. We were happy for moments, but that’s all this was. Momentary highs.” I took a deep breath. “I admit that I’ve never given you a real chance, but you were thankful for it. You were thankful for it because it made everything so much easier. You came and went as you pleased and kept your life the way you loved it. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not mad at you for being this way because I basically pushed you to keep going, knowing it was easier for you to find warmth in other people’s embrace than in my own.”

“Why?”

“Because I couldn’t bring myself to give you my heart.”

He squeezed his eyes shut, his whole face twisting with pain. “B-But why?”

Tears gathered in my eyes, and I shimmied away from him, my throat drying up. But then, I forced myself to look him in the eyes, not because of cruelty but for the sake of his sanity. He and I had to put a clear end to this tango that had been going on between us for years.

“Because my heart belongs to him, Kai. And if we’re being honest, you knew it long before I ever realized it, and it was what led you to act the way you did.”