Page 10 of Forgotten Prejudice

I kissed him because of the alcohol.

Yeah, right.

Knowing that was a big fat lie scared the crap out of me. I kissed Ash because I couldn’t bear seeing him so scared.

And because you were curious.

Screaming my heart out, I punched the steering wheel until I nearly broke the fucking horn. There was nothing for me to be curious about. I wasn’t attracted to men.

End. Of. Story.

Me, being gay and in love with my best friend? Fucking disgusting. I had a girlfriend, and dozens more before her, to prove that I wasn’t a homo. I loved women, their bodies, their smell, the way they felt when they rode my cock.

You also love the way his lips felt.

How could I ever look at Ash the same way?

Ashy. My safe island in this crazy world. My parents would end me if they ever knew about that. They’d be repulsed the same way I was disgusted. Not with Ash, never with Ash, but with myself.

I was repulsed with myself because thinking about him in any way other than platonic made no sense. I always wanted to be with him because he was my favorite person in the world, and not for any other reason.

Right?

As my head continued to mess with me, I couldn’t take it anymore. I couldn’t bear another second of being alone with my thoughts, and I needed them to quiet down. I needed them to be gone. I wanted to go to sleep and wake up tomorrow morning as if nothing had ever happened. But knowing it would be impossible, I drove straight back to the party. If I were lucky, my drunk ass would crash into some tree, and we’d call it a night. And if not? I’d drink myself to death.

But as I went back to the party and began drinking, I realized that, like before, booze didn’t seem to do the trick. It wasn’t strong enough to make the ache go away, not this time. Wandering around like a drunk idiot, I somehow ended up in a room with Nico and some other dudes I’d never met before. Sitting on the couch beside my cousin, I focused on the white lines cut neatly on the glass table.

“You sure about that?” I think Nico asked after I grabbed the dollar bill from him.

Not bothering to answer, I bent down, rolled the bill, and brought it to my nose. What was there to be sure about? It’s just coke. I’d never done it before, but it was just for tonight. With that thought in mind, I did the line, then popped in some pills just in case this powder didn’t do the job.

A tiny bit of guilt crossed my mind as I straightened up and rubbed my nostrils. Ash would be disappointed in me, but if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have done this in the first place.

Now, my guilt was replaced with anger. It was the same anger I felt before, only stronger. How dare he love me? Why would he do that to me, to us? Why ruin the good thing we had?

“Where are you going?” Nico asked when I stood up.

“This shit doesn’t work,” I hissed back, fucking annoyed that I’d wasted my time on this crap.

The second I was out of that room, I picked up my phone and called the second person that came to mind.

“Kai?” Zoe sounded sleepy. Since it was way too late for me to call, I wasn’t too surprised.

“I’m coming over,” I said, then hung up.

I think it was about ten minutes into the drive that I began feeling… different, excited, even thrilled. What was I even worrying about until now? Of course I wasn’t gay. I had a fucking girlfriend. A smoking hot girl who I was going to fuck as soon as I saw her. And I sure as fuck did. At least, I think so. At some point, things became… mixed up. And the next thing I remembered was waking up the following day feeling the worst I ever had.

Ash

Sniffing, I cleaned my snot and pulled myself back together before knocking on the door. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I waited for it to be answered. Somehow, I managed to drive here without crashing. It was a miracle because, since Kai left last night, I couldn’t stop crying until my eyelids turned heavy and painful.

“Hey.” I tried to smile at Jen, my mom’s friend, who just opened the door. “Is my mom here?”

Before Jen could answer, Mom had already appeared behind her.

“Ash?” she said, walking down the hall and toward the door.

“H-Hey, Mom.” My voice came out hoarse and weak, and it was enough to make her run toward me.