Page 87 of Mistaken Prejudice

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I took a step toward him, but he backed away. “What the fuck is it supposed to mean?” I yelled this time, not caring if someone would hear.

“Don’t be dumb, Andrei.”

“I guess I’m dumb, so explain to me what the fuck you just said,” I demanded.

He cocked his head, a painful smile on his face. “You know it’s only a matter of time before I’ll be thrown back into prison. It’s a miracle I haven’t so far.” He laughed, but it lacked humor. His voice was so empty and sad it broke my heart.

“Don’t say that.” I couldn’t bear to look at him now. “Don’t even think about that.”

“My dad, my brother, my uncle. My cousins.” He started counting. “Do you think I’ll be any different? You know me. You know what I am. And you know my time here is like a fucking time bomb. And I’m running out of time.”

I refused to believe his words. It didn’t matter what his relatives did to end up in jail. It only mattered what he’d choose to do with his life. Going back to prison was not an option. We weren’t kids anymore, and prison was nothing like juvie.

“We are what we say we are,” I argued.

“Enough with that bullshit!” he shouted. “We’ll never be like them. And it’s pathetic to see how hard you try.”

Rage rushed through me, and I clenched my fists together. “Your problem is that you keep treating them like they are different!” I snapped. “There is no them. There is no us. It’s all in your fucking head, Diesel. And as long as you keep thinking that toxic shit, you will end up like all those losers we grew up with.” My heart raced, and my hands were shaky. “All we ever do is try to rescue you, but like an idiot, you refuse! Again and again. You turn away any glimpse of help someone throws at you. Decline any drop of kindness because you’re stuck in your past!”

“It’s fucking impossible to forget your past when it’s engraved so deep into your fucking core!” he screamed out his words, but they were utter bullshit. It was a matter of choice.

“It’s a matter of choice.”

And then, in a split second, his expression changed from anger to… to nothing.

“You know what?” He nodded while looking anywhere but at me. “Screw you, Andrei.”

“Ca—”

“Don’t.” He shut me up. “Don’t say my fucking name.”

The cigarette he was holding between his fingers was almost completely burned, probably like our friendship, and he tossed it to the side before turning and walking away. A part of me knew I’d just ruined everything.

Once he’d calmed down, we’d get over this fight, but the damage was already done. He gave up on me. I knew he did. I saw it in his eyes. I saw the way they shut off. I saw the moment his walls came back up and left me outside.

I hated myself for that. Probably more than I ever did before.

Chapter 26

Andrei

“Shut up.”

The scary kid from the bunk above me barked.

It was the first he had spoken to me in the three days I’d been here.

It was the first anyone had spoken to me since I got here.

They yelled and ordered. They told me to move from one line to the other. But no one talked. No one cared. No one ever cared.

Once again, tears flooded my eyes, and I buried my face in the pillow they gave me to hush my sobs. I was scared, cold, and alone.

I was always alone.

Whenever I thought I would need to be locked up in here for the next year, I felt nauseous and couldn’t stop my tears from falling.

Even after this year would come to an end, what would I do? Where would I go? I had no home to return to. I had no one to return home for.