Page 62 of Stella is Starting Over

I pause while I’m looking for the tomato purée. ‘Really? She seemed very into you.’

‘Yeah, but she wanted things I couldn’t agree to.’

‘Like what?’

He opens another beer, looking uncomfortable suddenly. ‘She wanted me to stop seeing you.’

My hand slips on the cupboard handle. ‘What? Why?’

‘Long story, but basically she thought we had a romantic thing going on, not just a friendship, and it suited me to let her think that because she’d been in open relationships with guys who didn’t see other people and apparently that didn’t work, and I don’t want to date loads of people at the same time, and I figured it would be a great deal if I could have like, half the week to play FIFA and get work done, and do some more work on my flat, and she could just think I was shagging other people.’

‘Right,’ I say slowly, trying to understand. ‘So you were pretending to cheat on her?’

‘Well, she wanted an open relationship, so it wouldn’t have been cheating.’

‘This is insane.’ I laugh. ‘And what, she found out?’

‘No,’ he says, looking guilty again. ‘She asked me to stop seeing you.’

I’m confused now. ‘But surely given that we’re not actually seeing each other, you could have just agreed to that?’

‘No,’ he says. ‘She wanted me to stop seeing you at all. Like, socially, as a friend, full stop. And I couldn’t do that.’

I cross the room and he stands, and, without thinking about it, I wrap my arms around him and rest my head on his chest, hugging him like I’m a small child who’s fallen over in the playground. The force of it knocks him backwards slightly, but he recovers his footing and I feel the warmth of him, the solidness, the softness. He squeezes me, hard. The nicest hug I’ve had in a while. The only hug, actually. He told Florrie that he wouldn’t stop seeing me. He picked me over Florrie. Beautiful, sexy, fun Florrie. I’d have picked her over me every time.

I’m going to have to talk to Richard. If Dom, who might change his name to Avoidant by deed poll, wouldn’t agree to cut me off, what was I thinking considering doing that to him? And realistically, where did he get off asking me to stop seeing one of my friends?

‘That’s really nice of you,’ I say, into his chest. ‘Not to dump me.’

He makes a gruff noise, which implies that for once in his life he doesn’t have anything clever to say.

‘I think it might have finished me off if you’d taken this week to cull our friendship,’ I go on.

I pull away and realise that I’ve left tear splotches on his jumper. I didn’t even know that I was crying.

‘Right,’ he says. He puts down his beer and takes off his jumper, pretending to not notice the tear stains. ‘Sit on the sofa. I’m going to finish dinner.’

‘No,’ I protest. ‘You’ll do a shit job.’

‘I mean, maybe, but at least this way you’ll get to sit down for more than five minutes today, okay?’

I nod, sit down, let him top my wine glass up, and then sit with my knees hugged to my chest, watching him cook. He’s the only person other than me who has ever made anything in this kitchen. He’s even fairly good-natured when I shout instructions and tell him off for using the wrong knife on the wrong chopping board.

He plates up a perfectly passable pasta and we sit on opposite sides of the sofa, shovelling it into our mouths. ‘How’s rich Richard?’ he asks.

‘Fine. In Dubai.’

Dom makes a face. ‘Why?’

‘Making money.’

‘Makes sense.’ He considers me for a moment. ‘Do you see yourself falling in love with him?’

I think about it, though it’s a question that I’ve tried quite hard to avoid. ‘I don’t think I want to fall in love again,’ I say.

‘Oh, come on—’

‘No,’ I say. ‘I mean, I’d like to be in love again. But I don’t want to fall into it. I didn’t pick anything with Gavin – it just sort of happened around me. If I’m going to be with someone again, I want to consciously, sensibly step into it and then let it develop. And, yeah, I know you think I don’t have strong enough feelings for him, but he’s so decent and so kind, and we have a nice time together. He takes me seriously, he wants good things for me – there’s so much about him that makes sense. So if I’m going to have a life with someone again, I think I want it to be with someone like Richard.’