Page 77 of Halloween Town

Her next words nearly dropped him to his knees.

“Like this house, you are my safety net, Thom. And I love that. I need that, on some level, but … but also, not. For now, it’s enough to know you are always here. So damn steady. God, I know I’m not making any sense.”

A part of him wanted to wipe the anguish out of her eyes, to tell her that he was trying to understand, that he’d listen. But a frozen wind howled through his soul … he simply couldn’t. Not again. Thom closed his eyes.

“I still need you to be here for me, Thom.”

Yeah. That was what everyone always wanted. For him to be here. Or there. That he’d take it whatever was thrown at him. That he’d protect, endure, forgive, and handle. God, he was so damn tired of handling. What about what he needed?

“Safe?” he repeated softly. “Steady?”

She met his eyes and nodded. “Mmm.”

He watched her bite her bottom lip, knew her mind was whirling as she tried to figure out what he was thinking, how he was going to react, and what she should say next.

“You think that’s a compliment, right?”

She frowned. “Isn’t it?”

It wasn’t. Safe and steady just meant that he was the one who was supposed to accept the shit. The one who took it on the chin and stayed in place while everyone else got to do whatever the hell they wanted.

When he spoke, his voice was rough with emotion. “I don’t think I can do this, Poppy.”

Poppy linked her hands together and twisted her fingers, obviously upset but trying to hold it together. He knew she was trying to find a way to be what he needed and to follow her heart.

He wanted to take her hands in his, to reassure her that they’d get through this, that together they could do anything, but he couldn’t. Because he knew, somewhere deep down inside him, that she was asking for something he couldn’t give. She was asking him to watch her walk away. Asking him to watch her, someone he loved more than anything, put physical and emotional distance between them.

He’d promised himself he’d never be the one who loved more… He couldn’t be that person. Not if he wanted to live with himself going forward. “I can’t be with you and not be with you, Poppy.”

Her face crumpled. “Thom, it’s not forever…” she cried.

“I can’t do limbo, Poppy, I can’t do the in-between. Not even for a little bit.” There were a million things he still had to say to her, words burning his throat, emotions holding his lungs in an iron-fist grip. He thought he knew pain, but this was nothing compared to back then.

“I’m just asking for a little time to figure some stuff out!” Poppy cried. “Not about you. Or us. About me!”

He believed her. That wasn’t the problem. What he couldn’t wrap his head around was that Poppy was choosing something other than him. And that she wanted him to stay exactly where he was until she was done doing whatever she wanted or needed to do.

He didn’t blame her. He even, kinda, understood why she was striking out on her own. Maybe she did need to grow, to find herself, but two things could be true at once. She needed to go. And he needed her to stay, to be the first to choose him.

And love, or whatever this was, couldn’t bridge the distance between the two.

“If you need space, independence, distance … take it,” he said quietly before turning toward the house. “I won’t argue with you.”

He wouldn’t linger in the doorway of her life, waiting patiently for her to decide whether he was worth coming back to.

If she walked away, he would let her go.

He would not be the man who loved harder and stayed longer.

He could not be the one who stayed steady while everyone else left.

Chapter Sixteen

Poppy

Wait … what? Had they broken up? Were they done?

Poppy stared at Thom’s back, blindsided and horribly confused. So much had happened this morning; their little argument about ghosts, him asking her about Benji—then that douche actually rocking up—and Benji outing her about his cheating. Her explanation, his reaction to her moving out…