Page 94 of Exchange of Heart

The metal of the handle clung to me, refusing to let me release my grip as pain seared through my palm, just as it had the first time.

‘This is it,’ I yelled over the noise.

Corey didn’t speak, his mouth parted in surprise and fear.

I wondered if my body would feel the same as it had before our switch, if I could even remember how that felt. Would I fall back into my old habits and please my way nowhere, or would my new sense of self-worth follow me? Then there was Corey – what would happen to him? Would he shake my hand then return to his father like a loyal puppy? Would he even shake my hand once this was over, or would he sneer and berate me in class next week? Would we compare exam results? Would we still understand the new people we’d become?

Eventually, the wind slowed, the thunder disappeared, and we both fell as the umbrella released us. Instead of landing on the pavement as I’d expected, I fell forward and landed on Corey. I couldn’t tell where he ended and I began. Our bodies were a tangled mess as we desperately tried to move apart from each other and figure out who we were. Part of me didn’t want to know, like that cat in a box. Was it dead or alive? You didn’t know if you didn’t check. Like me. I could be Corey or Nora right now, and if I didn’t check, I could decide on the answer myself. I lifted my arms and rested my hands against my cheeks. Soft and smooth. No stubble.

‘I’m me.’ Tears blurred my eyes.

The last thing I saw was Corey tugging the waistband of his drenched pants and staring down into them, before I closed my eyes. My hands moved over my body. My soft skin, breasts, long hair, everything I’d taken for granted. A tear slid down my cheek. When I opened them, Corey stood in front of me, a sad smile on his face. He reached out and wiped the tear away, his hand lingering against my cheek.

‘Why are you sad?’ he asked.

‘Why are you sad?’ I countered.

He grimaced for a moment. ‘I’m not sad, but I’m confused. I’m going back to a life I didn’t really enjoy. A life you somehow made better, and now you won’t be there.’

‘Why? You gonna start ignoring my calls and crossing the street when you see me coming?’

His lips lifted in a small smile.

Heat filled my cheeks. ‘You made my life better, too.’

I don’t know who grabbed whose hands, but our fingers laced together, familiar yet strange. I’d never held his hand as myself. He tugged me against him, my cheek resting against the large chest I’d come to know and possibly love over the past two weeks. My arms wrapped around his waist; my palms flattened against his shoulder blades.

‘It’s nice to enjoy your hair without being responsible for it.’ His fingers grazed the top of my head.

‘I thought you hated my hair.’

‘I hate when it gets in the way, but I’d be lying if I said I hated your hair. It’s like a thick black border of a photo frame giving me no choice other than to look at the picture inside, and I love what I see.’

His words were a fist squeezing my heart, and my hand rubbed my chest trying to ease the joyous ache there. ‘Are you trying to tell me you wish you still got to look at my beautiful face instead of your ugly mug when you look in the mirror?’

Corey laughed. ‘I don’t want to see your face when I look in the mirror, Nora. I want to see your face when I wake up in the morning. On the pillow, next to mine. In the kitchen when you’re making coffee. Coming through the door at the end of work. Smiling, laughing, crying, I want to see it all the time in every situation possible. Unless it means me being you.’

His words rattled through my mind like symbols clashing together. We’d gotten our bodies back and I’d been crazy enough to think he’d kick me to the kerb. Perhaps he should. A chance for him to come to terms with everything. A chance for me to come to terms with everything. Nora Claremont the people-pleaser no longer existed. Pretending to be Corey had left a spark of confidence in my soul. A confidence that needed a chance to bloom.

‘I’m not bailing on you, but we need a chance to learn to be the people we’ve become. And I can’t do that if I’m already giving up a part of me – my apartment and space – to start another new life.’

Corey laced his fingers through mine. ‘You mean, you’re not going to smile and try to find the positive in a situation you don’t actually want to be in?’

I smiled. ‘No.’

‘Good. As much as I want you around so I can keep learning more about you, I want you to do it on your terms. Hearing you put yourself first… it’s a confidence I’ve never heard from you.’

‘The confidence of Corey Flemmington is still encased in this body, and I plan on keeping it.’

We walked back to his apartment leaving wet footprints behind. In the living room, we glanced at each other’s clothes now that we’d swapped. Corey’s grey pyjama shirt swamped my body like an oversized dress.

‘I might change, I’m starting to get a little cold from the rain,’ I said.

I raced to the bathroom and shut the door while my brain darted side to side in panic. I couldn’t think properly. I stared into the mirror at my eyes and freckles. I ran my fingers through my hair as tears built in my eyes before falling into a blubbering mess. I’d been flooded with emotions before, but this time, they were all happy.

I was happier than I’d been in a long time.

In my rush, I hadn’t brought any clothes with me, so I wrapped the white towel around me and opened the door. Corey stood outside with his arm raised about to knock.