Page 83 of A Thief to Die For

‘No,’ I breathe.

His mouth opens and closes. He looks so lost.

‘Then, let’s leave,’ I urge. ‘You don’t love her. You don’t … want her.’ The pressure in my chest grows, rising in my throat. My back is throbbing in pain. ‘Let’s run. We’ll go to Kingsland. We’ll –’

‘Marian,’ he whispers. ‘I married her … and it’s been set in stone with the connection.’

My heart stills a beat. ‘I know. But you made promises to me too. And the promises you made to Agatha were forced; you didn’t mean them.’ I stare. ‘Right?’

His eyes appear shiny in the sunlight.

I look away, my heart breaking. ‘This is how it is with Atlas – you do what you have to in order to survive, then behind his back you defy him. But I didn’t think you’d … so that’s it? We’re done? You’re going to carry on where we left off, but with her?’

‘Marian,’ he breathes.

I rake my hand through my hair and pain explodes in my head from where my scalp is torn. Tears sting my eyes. So what if he can share memories with Agatha when they’re in the same room; he doesn’t have to enter a committed relationship with her. ‘There is a way out of this. You’re just not willing to take it.’

His jaw flexes as the despondency on his face sharpens to something desperate. Finally, a response. ‘She’s already a part of me, Marian. I can feel it. There’s a blending of me and her.’

Blending? He thinks they’ve become one? My hand goes to my chest.

He inches closer to me. The intensity in his eyes pins me in place. ‘I’m still going to get you out of here,’ he whispers, urgently. ‘I will never give up on finding you a better life.’

It just won’t be a life with him.

The mask I’ve worn nearly every day, the same mask that Ryland’s gentleness and protectiveness finally gave me the courage to let down, slips back into place. Part of me knows I’m being irrational. He didn’t choose this. He wishes it were another way.

But he made me fall in love with him. Asked me to trust him. And now he’s just walking away? ‘No, don’t worry about that any more. I’m not leaving. The Dresden need me.’

‘Marian,’ he says. His hand twitches like he wants to reach for me.

Inside, I beg him to do it.

‘I’m not leaving,’ I say more firmly. ‘But you should. As soon as possible. And if you ever cared about me, don’t make me see you two together. Avoid me at all costs. Goodbye, Ryland.’ I walk off, feeling him stare after me. But he doesn’t stop me. He’s really letting me go.

Of all the horrific pain coursing through my body from my injuries, it’s now my heart that screams the loudest.

Lucky turns at the sound of me approaching the lookout post he’s manning. ‘Marian.’ He jumps to his feet, eyes roaming the empty forest, before returning to me.

‘Hi,’ I say as I limp closer.

His freckled face pinches with confusion. ‘What’re you doing? Where’s your horse?’

Isn’t it strange that after our grisly encounter with Soren earlier today, life just carried on? Lucky had to go back to work. And I – ‘I was … going for a walk.’

The crease in his brow turns into a trench.

‘Any vagabonds?’ I prop my hands on my hips and pant a couple of breaths.

‘Um … no.’

‘Good. That’s good.’ I nod. ‘I should’ve grabbed some water for you. You always forget. Do you need me to find some?’

‘What are you doing here, Mare? You should be resting.’

I let out a single hard laugh. Rest. I haven’t slept in a day and a half. ‘I can’t do that.’ Though I don’t mention it’s because I can’t close my eyes without seeing things – things I very much don’t want to see right now.

Like my sister kissing Ryland.