Page 104 of A Thief to Die For

You.

A wave of devastation sweeps over his face. He looks away, his hand flexing at his side. ‘Nothing has been turned off.’

Tears burn my eyes and, not wanting him to see, I walk away. ‘Could have fooled me.’

‘I’m trying to make it easier,’ he calls. ‘What do you need to hear to make this hurt less? That I wish it was you? Does that make it better?’

My feet slow.

‘Because I do wish it was you.’ He moves closer. ‘I can’t sleep because of how much I miss you, and when I do, you’re in my dreams.’ He huffs. ‘That’s why Agatha did what she did. The dream she saw – it was of you and me running away.’

My chest swells painfully.

‘The only reason she knows the way to Kingsland is because in that dream I was showing you. She saw us together at the red forest, talking about how it formed.’ He gestures to the creek. ‘She saw us swim in water just like this. She saw me carry you to the riverbank and …’ His fierce eyes snap up to mine. ‘Do you want me to keep going? Do you want me to tell you how I kissed you? What happened after that?’

My head spins. No wonder Agatha betrayed him.

‘I have fallen in love with you,’ he says brokenly. ‘You’re not alone in this.’

A knot forms in my throat.

‘I want you. Anyone else feels wrong.’ He exhales, then his expression falters. ‘So what the hell am I doing?’ he whispers to himself.

He blinks. ‘You know, since the attack on my family, I’ve lived my life by a set of rules. Everything was black or white. Right or wrong. We even have an oath we speak in the elite guard – ‘Through honour, we prosper. Through trials we earn our name.’ Honour’s everything, no compromise. But you’ve turned all of that on its head. Because you’ve shown me there is a time to steal. There is a time to break the rules. A time to revolt.’ His words slow. ‘And maybe … just maybe there is a time to break a vow, too.’

My stomach twists as I suddenly see where he’s going. He’s not wrong; there is a time to push the limits and go rogue. But is breaking a vow – his vow – one of them? I thought so, but now I’m not so sure. Should there be a time to break an honourable man? Is his integrity a stumbling block we need to overcome?

Like a blindfold lifting, I finally understand him. ‘Ryland.’

He closes the distance and cups my face. ‘Run away with me.’ His mouth pulls into a breathtaking smile. ‘First, we’ll stop Atlas, but then … it’s you and me until the end.’

Hot tears sting my eyes. This is what I’ve been waiting to hear, and the temptation to accept everything he’s offering is nearly unbearable.

Nearly, but not entirely.

My hand covers his fingers, and my chest swells with misery as I gently pull them from my cheeks. ‘I want that, Ryland. I want everything you said.’

‘Then what’s wrong?’ he asks, searching my face.

I sniff and focus on a small wet spot on his shoulder, because if I look at him, I’ll change my mind. ‘In my head, it was simple. You only needed to choose me. But after hearing you, I think I … I didn’t understand the magnitude of what you’d have to do to make that happen. You shouldn’t have to compromise yourself – especially the very best parts – to be with me. You shouldn’t have to reject who you are.’

His hands drop. ‘I’m not.’

‘Can you honestly say that breaking your vows to Agatha won’t eat away at you every day?’

His answer seems stuck in his throat.

‘And what about the connection? Are you really okay with walking away from it? Or will you always question whether you made the right choice?’ I look at him now, needing to see the answer.

His face turns stricken. ‘It won’t be like that.’ He winces. ‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘It does.’ My heart cracks down the centre. ‘You would have to break who you are to be with me. And one day you would realise you made a mistake.’

My shoulders fall with the weight of my sadness, but I know what I need to do.

‘There aren’t words for how sorry I am for not marrying you when I had the chance,’ I say. ‘That was the worst decision I’ve ever made. But I don’t regret telling you to marry Agatha. In fact, I would do it again … because it saved your life.’

I confronted Ryland because I wanted to know how he could leave if he loved me. But there’s only one question that matters any more: If I love him, how can I ask him to stay?