Page 103 of A Thief to Die For

‘It’s safe to turn around now,’ she says.

I’m not so sure about that. Slowly, I spin and find her dressed, her fingers working on the last button of her shirt.

‘Marian,’ I say, unable to stop myself. ‘What about your bandages?’ There’s no way she did it already.

‘It’s fine,’ she brushes off.

It’s not. She needs them. I extend my hand and become certain of two things – I’m about to play with fire, and I don’t care nearly enough about whether I’m burned.

‘Give me the dressing. Let me help you.’

Ihand Ryland the roll of thin cloth, then slowly turn around.

My wet hair is in the way, so I pull it over my shoulder. Then, heart thundering – at his closeness, at what he’ll think about what he sees – I slowly lower the back of my shirt.

Ryland inhales deeply.

‘Dezzy said only a handful broke the skin. Some worse than others.’

He’s silent for too long. But then he speaks, voice stricken, ‘I’m so sorry.’

I fight a shiver as his finger traces gently over my shoulder.

‘I’m sorry I couldn’t heal you,’ he whispers.

His words surprise me. For the first time in what feels like forever, he’s not shutting me out. Ignoring me. Pretending I’m not here. My heart begins to pound with desperation for this version of him to stay. I pull my shirt back up over my shoulders and face him.

His hand remains in the air between us, that furrow still creasing his brow.

‘Can I ask you something?’ I’m not the type to beg, but after having all this time to think, I’ve realised there is something I need to know. ‘It’ll be quick, and then I won’t bring it up again.’

I swear he’s leaning into me. ‘What is it?’

‘Was it ever anything more than attraction for you? Lust? What we had? It couldn’t be, right? There wasn’t time to develop anything deeper.’ At his silence, my fingers fidget with my shirt. ‘Not if you could walk away so easily.’

His eyes close. ‘Marian.’

He speaks my name like another apology.

Shame floods my cheeks as he drops his hand. Instantly, I hate myself. Have some self-respect and stop fighting for this. He’s made his wishes plain. Briskly, I step back.

‘You should bandage it again.’

‘I will,’ I mutter sharply.

‘Marian,’ he breathes. ‘Please.’

Please what? Please let him go quietly? Pretend we never were?

I bend down and wince as I grab my weapons. Sure. I will do that.

‘Please don’t hate me,’ he says in a rush.

I chuckle soberly. ‘Trust me. Hate is not what I feel for you, Ryland. This would be a lot easier if it were.’

He runs a hand over his head. ‘I know.’

‘I’m sorry,’ I say. ‘Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m just … trying to make sense of it all. I’m not like you. I can’t just turn it off after falling for –’