Page 82 of My Killer Blind Date

George grabs my hand and squeezes really hard. I squeeze back.

‘Now I’d like to welcome up, for a brief eulogy, Zoe’s dear friend Margot McKee.’

I walk up, jaw clenched to try and stay in control of myself, folded paper in my hand. Then, I face the crowd and read from the scrap where I jotted it all down last night around two a.m.

‘Zoe knew she had one wild and precious life,’ I begin, with a nod to the famous Mary Oliver poem that I love. ‘And she was not afraid to live it. She did everything with her whole heart and her full energy. I have never known someone who was more alive. She refused to be held back, or boxed in, or—’ I pause. ‘Controlled.’

Motion in the back catches my eye – a figure, tall, leaning against the back wall. Liam.

My heart recoils, like someone just punched me in the chest, before exploding into a frantic rhythm.

For a second, I just stare. What the fuck is he doing here?? What the hell, Barnett? He’s supposed to be behind bars!

Then, wrenching my gaze away from him, I continue, speaking louder this time.

‘Her motto was “Live Free or Die.” Now she’s dead. And I think the best way we can all honor her is to live free, which to me, means being true to ourselves for as many days as we’re lucky to have.’ I pause. ‘Thank you.’

Colby, seated near the front, is nodding with her hands pressed to her heart, and George is blinking back tears.

After I take my seat again, I turn around. Liam has disappeared.

*

The short service doesn’t take long to wrap up after that. Bill walks to the front to say the closing words, like he always does.

‘On behalf of the family, I want to thank everyone for coming. Feel free to stay as long as you wish. Zoe’s family has brought some memorabilia to share on the table to the side. Thank you again.’

Gentle music pipes through the sound system as people stand and begin to shuffle out. George pulls me close. ‘Can I bring over some Thai food tonight and we can watch that Godzilla versus King Kong movie? I know how the monsters soothe you.’

‘I think I just want to sleep,’ I say. ‘But rain check?’

‘’Kay. Well, I’m sending you a DoorDash gift card. Eat something yummy, take a hot bath – seriously. You have to be gentle with yourself.’ She squeezes my hand. ‘Promise?’

‘Promise.’ I squeeze back.

She and Arjun head out. Colby finds me next and gives me a big hug.

‘Zoe would have loved your eulogy,’ she says.

‘Thanks.’

Her eyes are full of tears. ‘I don’t know if she ever told you this, but she was there for me when I was at my lowest.’ She inhales shakily. ‘Long story short, I was pregnant, and I developed this horrible condition, hyperemesis gravidarum. I was hospitalized three times, in constant pain – it was horrible.’

‘I’m so sorry. That sounds terrible.’

‘Yeah …’ She pauses to take another deep inhale and looks at the window, her eyes glassy, as if it’s too painful to keep eye contact with me. ‘I wanted that baby. But my body didn’t. Zoe’s the one who took me to a provider on the West Side, because I couldn’t afford to do it in-hospital. I’m an artist, you know? I’m uninsured.’ She has to pause again to get a hold of herself. When her gaze returns to me, I can practically see the pain shining through. ‘There were protesters. Their signs … they were horrible. It was overwhelming. So—’ The ghost of a smile appears on Colby’s full lips. ‘Zoe pulled out her phone and started recording them.’ She presses her lips together. ‘I’ll text you the video, just so you can hear Zoe using that big voice of hers for me when I was at rock bottom. Every now and then I go back and watch it, just for myself. It was a horrible day. But it’s fucking moving, actually.’

‘I’d love to see it.’

She pulls out her phone. ‘Here, I’ll AirDrop it.’

And then, as I pull out my phone to accept it, I have a eureka moment. Oh my God. The first painting in Zoe’s series; the one in Liam’s closet. Life. The monster-baby in the womb—

‘Zoe painted you.’ My heart is racing; I have full body chills. I’ve never been so certain of anything.

‘Did she?’ Colby frowns.

‘I didn’t realize it until you told me your story. I’ll show you.’ I pull up the photo Simon texted me of Life and hand the phone to Colby. ‘I mean – don’t you think? The baby, the woman? And that other figure – don’t you think she represents the protesters?’