Page 66 of Kiss Me Like You Mean It

That is when I realise that he’s sitting underneath me, absolutely unmoving, his hands at his sides so that he isn’t touching me.

I pull back.

His face is completely blank. There’s zero sign that he’s anything like as affected as I am.

Shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

‘So something friendly like that,’ I say, trying not to worry about how breathless I sound. I unfold myself casually from his lap and get to my feet, dusting off my trousers without meeting his eye. ‘Like I said. No big deal.’

‘Right,’ Nico says, and he doesn’t sound happy. ‘No big deal.’

On a series of muttered excuses I grab my notebook, escape to my room and turn to press my back to the door, my eyes closed.

I think I just made a total fool of myself.

Again.

Chapter Twenty-One

Nico

What the hell just happened?

I stare at the closed door that Lee disappeared behind and try to catch up with the events of the last ten minutes.

One moment I was drinking tea, and the next the girl I’ve known for most of my life was kissing me and it felt like the whole universe turned upside down. If doctors had been doing one of those scans on my brain at the time, they’d have watched it light up like a slot machine paying out.

It was barely anything. But her lips were so soft, and her hair smelled like honey, and then she made that noise – that breathy little exhalation – and she’d shifted against my leg and I was so relieved she couldn’t feel how absolutely rock hard I was. It had taken every ounce of control I possessed not to pull her across to straddle my lap, to hold her right where I needed her and to kiss her like I wanted to: slowly, deliberately until she begged me for more.

Instead, I’d had to hold myself like a statue, every muscle in my body tensed so that I didn’t react, so that I didn’t cross every line we’d literally just established.

She’d had a notebook of rules. We were in the middle of a discussion about boundaries for fuck’s sake, and what did I do? Drag her into my lap and practically dare her to kiss me.

Because I wanted to. Because I wanted to so intensely that I ignored the tiny voice of reason telling me it was a bad idea. And now, here I am, immediately faced with the consequences of my own actions. Because I think maybe… maybe for a second she wanted to kiss me too. My head sinks into my hands and I exhale a shaky breath.

I have no idea how to handle this.

After a few minutes of staring into space, I realise I’m not equipped to deal with this mess on my own, and I drop Luke a quick text. Then I go and check on Phoebe, who is absorbed in catching Pokémon.

‘Hey, Bee. I think I need to go and see Luke about Lee’s car,’ I say, leaning casually in her doorway. ‘If Lee’s okay with it, are you happy to stay here with her by yourself?’

‘Sure,’ Phoebe nods, not even lifting her eyes from the screen.

Easy part done, I steel myself and knock on Lee’s door. When she calls for me to come in, I find her sitting in the middle of the bed, her phone in her hand.

‘Sorry to interrupt—’

‘No, you’re good, I was just texting with someone,’ she replies, lifting her phone like it’s evidence.

I swallow down the urge to ask her if that someone is called Adrian and who he is to her. ‘I just heard from Luke and I thought I’d go and pick up the car we talked about. Would you mind keeping an eye on Phoebe for a bit?’

‘Oh!’ Lee’s eyes widen comically. ‘Yes, of course. Are there any instructions? I should write them down.’

It’s enough to loosen some of the tension I feel, and I actually manage to squeeze out a laugh. ‘She’s very low maintenance,’ I promise. ‘Practically a cactus. Magda fed her and helped her with her homework, so Phoebe’ll probably want to chill in her room – she likes time to decompress.’

Lee nods in understanding.