Page 62 of Kiss Me Like You Mean It

‘You and Jack were a package deal, I take it?’

‘We were pretty inseparable,’ I agree, and I feel a pang of guilt that Lee and I haven’t spoken about Jack. ‘We were already best mates when we went off to boarding school together. Stayed there until we turned eighteen, so he’s more like my brother than my actual half-brothers. His family is my family.’

‘Including Lee?’ Magda looks at me over the top of her own teacup, and I shift in my chair.

‘Including Lee,’ I repeat, and I know it’s true, I just don’t exactly understand how to fit all the pieces neatly together anymore.

‘So which was her favourite room?’ Magda asks, changing the subject.

‘The library room. She’s a big reader… said we need to put a ladder in.’

Instead of looking confused, Magda nods. ‘Beauty and the Beast.’ She tips her head. ‘Maybe you should build one.’

‘Maybe I will.’ I sip my drink, as if I’m considering it. As if I hadn’t decided to build one the second Lee looked at me with that smile and asked for it.

I am so utterly fucked.

Chapter Twenty

Lee

Nico doesn’t get home until after six, with Phoebe and Taco in tow. I’ve been sitting at the kitchen table, trying to concentrate on work, but it’s difficult to focus. Especially when my mind keeps helpfully serving up images of Nico-the-handyman and remembering the way he held me and told me in a growly voice that he’d take care of everything.

I swear to god I felt the feminism leaving my body.

See also: waiting around at home like a lost soul, hoping he’ll come through the door.

The thing is, it’s so quiet here. Usually I love quiet, I thrive in quiet. Noise and chaos stress me out, but the house feels wrong without the three of them in it, and the relief that I experience when they finally do get home is absolutely disproportionate to the situation.

‘Hi!’ I jump to my feet.

Taco is already on me, dancing around on his hind legs, and letting out excited yips. I’m beginning to understand the previously elusive draw of dog-ownership… it feels incredible to be greeted as if I’m back from war every time he sees me.

‘Who’s a good boy?’ I say as I fuss him. ‘Who’s such a good, handsome boy?’

Taco’s tongue lolls out of his mouth and I’m convinced that he grins at me, his tail wagging.

I look up and over at Nico. He’s in the process of gathering up the trail of items Phoebe sheds as she comes inside. Phoebe reaches down to pat Taco’s head on her way to the kitchen where she turns some music on the speaker and opens the fridge, declaring that she’s starving.

‘Didn’t your grandmother just feed you?’ Nico asks wearily to a soundtrack of Disney songs.

‘I brought some pastries back from Bean & Gone,’ I say tentatively, glancing at Nico to make sure it’s okay, but he’s busy hanging up Phoebe’s coat.

Phoebe’s eyes widen behind her glasses. ‘Did you get cinnamon buns?’

I shake my head, feeling like a failure. ‘I got some of the pecan muffin things, though.’

‘Oh,’ Phoebe shrugs. ‘Those are almost as good.’

‘I think what my daughter means to say is “Thank you, Lee, for that thoughtful gesture”,’ Nico grumbles.

Phoebe turns a wide smile on me as she rummages through the paper bag and extracts a muffin. ‘Thank you, Lee,’ she says and then she surprises me by rushing over and briefly squeezing me round the waist. My hands barely have time to flutter to her shoulders before she’s gone.

‘I’m gonna go play on my Switch,’ she says, heading for her bedroom door.

‘I’d say I don’t know where she’s putting all this food, but I think she grew another inch this week,’ Nico sighs, rubbing his shoulder in a weary gesture as he reaches down to untie his boots.

‘She hugged me,’ I say, slightly dazed. I mean, sure it lasted approximately 0.3 seconds, but still.