Page 54 of Kiss Me Like You Mean It

‘Oh!’ Kat exclaims. ‘Nico, do you have a fancy camera or something?’

A line appears between Lee’s brows. ‘What do you mean?’ she asks. ‘Nico’s an amazing photographer.’ When everyone looks blank, she carries on uncertainly, ‘It’s his job.’

‘I thought you were a contractor?’ Mei says slowly.

‘I am a contractor,’ I agree, and there’s a hard knot of anxiety making its presence felt in my chest. ‘I used to take photos but I don’t anymore. It’s not a big deal.’ I take a swig from my fresh beer bottle.

There’s an awkward silence, and Lee is looking at me like I just sprouted a load of tentacles and declared I’d arrived from a different solar system.

I quickly turn the conversation to other things, and the rest of the night is relaxed and mercifully uneventful.

By the time we leave it’s late, and we make the short drive home in silence. Lee looks out the window, clearly lost in thought. I remind myself that, however overwhelmed I’m feeling, she’s been through a lot more today.

‘You must be exhausted,’ I say, as I open the front door. Taco leaps up to greet us, running straight past me as if I don’t exist to dance around Lee’s feet. He lets out several excited yips, then rolls over while Lee crouches down to rub his belly.

‘I am also here,’ I say dryly, but they both ignore me.

‘I’m not feeling too bad at the moment,’ Lee says, her attention on my dog. ‘My body has no clue what time it is, and I guess it’ll all hit me soon. I’ll sleep well tonight.’ She straightens up and gives me a smile. Taco parks himself next to her feet, gazing worshipfully up at her.

I clear my throat. ‘Hopefully, I will too. I usually hate it when she’s gone, but at least I can crash in Phoebe’s room tonight.’ I’m definitely looking forward to sleeping in a real bed; I’m not twenty anymore and the sofa did a number on my back.

I walk towards the kitchen. ‘Do you want a drink?’ I call over my shoulder.

‘Um, just a glass of water, please.’ Lee comes to perch on one of the stools at the breakfast counter and Taco retires to his bed where he can curl up and still keep an eye on her. ‘Does Phoebe stay with Magda often?’

‘One or two nights a week.’ I pull a glass down from the cupboard. ‘It’s good for them to have the time together, but with the inn being renovated, Magda’s moved out to one of the other cottages and there’s not as much space as she’s used to.’ I fill the glass from the tap and place it in front of Lee. ‘We’ve all been trying to work out the right balance. She had a whole life with Magda and Tom before I came along so it’s sort of like shared custody.’

Lee wraps her hands around her water glass. ‘It’s complicated,’ she says quietly, ‘trying to do what’s best for her.’

I lean against the other side of the counter. ‘Yeah. I hate it when she’s away,’ I admit. ‘I’ve missed too much time with her already… I feel so guilty whenever we’re apart. And then sometimes I think I hold on too tight because of that. I’m struggling with making decisions for her. Like this thing with her skipping a grade… I don’t know what to do. Magda thinks she should, but I’m not so sure. What if I choose wrong and fuck up her life?’

If I sound freaked out, it’s because I am. ‘What do you think?’ I ask.

‘Oh, I’m not sure it’s any of my business…’

‘You’ve been there,’ I point out. ‘I’d like to hear your opinion.’

Lee exhales. ‘Honestly? I don’t think my experience would necessarily be the same as hers, or that all of Phoebe’s future happiness will ever boil down to a single decision. If Phoebe wants to stay where she is and that’s your instinct too, then trust it. You can always revisit it later if it becomes an issue. You don’t need to have it all figured out right now.’

She’s so calm and steady, and the relief that I get from having someone I know and trust to talk about this stuff with is out of all proportion.

‘Nico,’ Lee says tentatively after a moment.

‘Hmm?’

‘Where’s your camera?’

The change of topic throws me for a second. I gesture towards the bedroom, trying to keep my words easy. ‘It’s in storage somewhere. I don’t have much need for it at the moment.’

‘I know you said you couldn’t work like you had been…’ Lee says carefully, ‘but I didn’t realise you weren’t taking pictures at all.’

I shrug, helpless. ‘I have to be here for Phoebe.’

I don’t know how to explain it to her, but maybe Lee understands anyway. Her gaze softens, and she bites her lip as if physically stopping herself from saying something. My eyes are on her mouth. I want to run my thumb along her bottom lip. I want to tug it free from her teeth and claim it with my own.

I want it with an intensity that leaves me shaken.

There’s something crackling in the air, an atmosphere that fills the room, like the minutes before a storm hits. I don’t know when I started feeling so out of control around her, when being around Lee turned into some sort of extreme sport. It feels thrilling, it feels… dangerous.