Page 141 of Kiss Me Like You Mean It

‘I don’t know,’ Nico says thoughtfully, ‘I have one or two things I’d like to say to them.’

Gran’s eyes gleam with something like approval, and then she delicately clears her throat. ‘It’s beautiful work you’ve done at the inn, Nicolas. My room is delightful and Magda’s thrilled. I want you to give me the full tour later.’

He ducks his chin, obviously pleased.

‘Anyway,’ Gran sets her mug down, ‘are the two of you going to fill me in on the whole story now?’

So the two of us take it in turns, and as expected, Gran enjoys the whole saga a lot, only expressing disappointment that she wasn’t here to take part in the ruse.

‘The lawyer would have believed it if I’d been around,’ she says. ‘The occasion called for a level of gravitas you were clearly missing.’

‘You do have a lot of gravitas,’ Nico agrees.

‘I think we had more than enough enthusiastic participants, actually,’ I say.

Gran’s glossy red lips form a pout. ‘Amateurs at deception from the sounds of it.’

‘God, you and Phoebe are going to love each other,’ Nico sighs.

Gran’s eyes light. ‘My first great-granddaughter. I can’t wait to finally meet her.’

I know that Gran would consider Nico’s daughter part of her family regardless of our relationship, but the words still give me a thrill. We’re really doing it, blending our worlds, our lives together. My family is Phoebe’s family in an even more real and tangible way.

‘How long are you planning to stay?’ I ask. ‘Now that you’re here I guess I should change my flight… I was going to go back to London on Saturday.’ I’m smiling wide as I look at Nico. It feels like a reprieve, a few more days together, and his eyes hold the same mix of relief and happiness that I’m experiencing, but when I look back at Gran her own face has frozen in a mask of disapproval.

‘I don’t understand,’ Gran says, her voice clipped. ‘If you and Nico are in love and if, as it’s perfectly obvious is the case, you’re so happy here, why were you planning your return to London so soon?’ The sharp look in her eyes makes it pretty clear that she knows why and she’s not happy about it.

I need to handle this carefully, but it’s hard to find the right words. I take a deep breath. ‘I understand why you were angry and frustrated before. I’m sorry if I was hovering or being too pushy, but I’m not going to apologise for caring about you or for worrying about your health.’

Her mouth flattens. ‘This isn’t about me. I don’t want you to stop living your life because of me. I won’t be the reason you’re somewhere you don’t want to be.’

‘I’m not.’ I glance at Nico and his hand squeezes my knee under the table. ‘Nico and I have talked about it, and we’re working it out.’

If anything, Gran looks more upset. ‘You don’t need to work it out,’ she bursts out. ‘I am perfectly capable of looking after myself, and I’m sick of being made to feel like a frail old lady.’

My adrenaline spikes at the anger in her voice.

‘Hold up.’ Nico’s voice is low and firm. ‘No one thinks of you that way, but last year you had a heart attack and from what I gather you’ve not been doing much to take care of yourself since.’

‘I don’t think that’s any of your business,’ Gran says petulantly.

‘It is my business because I love you, and so does Lee.’ His tone brooks no disagreement. ‘Maybe you don’t want to think about how scary last year was, but we were all there, too. No one wants that again.’

‘So I’m the villain because I want to live my life to the fullest?’ Gran looks between the two of us. ‘Because I want that for you as well? I want your life to be your own, not one that revolves around me while I become some sort of burden.’

‘Stop!’ I’m surprised by the sharpness in my voice, and by the looks of it so are Nico and Gran. ‘This is what it all comes down to, and I don’t know how to make you understand. I love you. You’re not a burden and you never could be. Can you really not see that I would want to be with you, to spend time with you, yes, to take care of you if and when you need it? Are you telling me you wouldn’t do the same for me? You already did. Was I a burden?’

‘Of course not,’ she huffs, but I’m on a roll now.

‘I’m not just making this choice for you,’ I say. ‘It’s not selfless and it’s not only about your health. You’re one of the most important people in the world to me. I don’t want us to live on the other side of the world from each other. Nico gets that, he understands that we have to find a way to make this work for all of us, because our family isn’t just me and Nico, it’s you and Magda. It’s Jack and Cynthie. It’s Phoebe most of all. We’re going to have to figure this out together. You get to live where you want and how you want, but you don’t get to tell me how to feel about any of it. You don’t get to tell me that you shouldn’t matter or be taken into consideration.’

Gran is quiet for a long moment.

‘And,’ I add finally, ‘I do want you to take your health more seriously, not because I want to make your life smaller, but because I want there to be as much of it as possible. I want you here for all the milestones. I want you to know Phoebe, I want you to know Jack and Cynthie’s kids, I want Christmases and birthdays and I want Nico to take pictures of all of it. I want an album full of photographs. I want a family, and how can I have that without you?’

Nico has gone very still beside me.

Silence pours through the room, broken only by the ticking of the clock on the wall.