Page 73 of A Sky Painted Gold

“Oh, shame.” He leans in closer to me. “She’s a terrific girl. I’m quite good friends with the Cardews, actually,” he says.

“Is that so?” I murmur.

“Oh, yes.” He leers at me. “I’m here all the time. I could introduce you later if you want?”

“That would be nice,” I say, edging away from him. “Sorry, I think I see my friend over there … it’s been lovely talking to you.” I slip away through the crowd, lifting my glass of pink champagne to my lips.

Elodie is on the stage now, and her outfit seems to have given her an extra pinch of swagger. Still, she looks very small, surrounded by the band. She stands before the microphone, her fingers fluttering up to caress the stand. And then she starts to sing and the crowd go wild. I stand as if in a trance, listening to her beautiful voice. It is incredible that such a sound can come out of such a tiny person. I find that I am on the dance floor before I even know what has happened, and I am welcomed by everyone. I make my way to the front and Elodie spots me, winking behind her mask as the music pours from her, soaring through the air like stardust. I dance for a while, how long I’m not sure, just as I am not sure who with. Each masked face swirling around me wears the same grin. Finally, I need to take a break.

I walk across the lawn, the grass soft and cool under my feet. The floor seems to be moving around a little and I bump into someone. “So sorry,” I mutter. I keep on walking without really knowing where I am going. I am feeling a little light-headed. It is time to sit down, somewhere still, somewhere quiet … and suddenly I know where my feet are taking me.

“Hello, old friend,” I call as I reach my trusty oak tree. I press my palm against the rough bark, thinking that it feels like a long time since Robert caught me hiding in these branches. It is dark and quiet here, and I lean back against the tree, closing my eyes for a moment. I am haunted then by images of Robert from that first night. Of the look in his eyes when he turned to look up at me, of the sound of his laugh, of that first taste of champagne. I remember the way I felt about him then, the way I feel now, and I am almost knocked out by a sense of longing that overwhelms me. Panic begins to rise in my chest as I draw too near to something I have been trying desperately to ignore and conflicting emotions battle inside me.

“Lou?” I hear a muffled voice behind me, and I turn to see a powdered wig and a black frock coat in the dim light. With a happy sigh I realize that it is Charlie, come to check on me, and his uncomplicated presence is a relief. He is wearing a black domino mask now, and as he walks towards me I find myself thinking about Caitlin’s advice. Perhaps it is time I take control of the situation. Well, it is my party, and I am eighteen and the night is wonderful and soft music is playing in the background. What better time for a kiss with a handsome man? This handsome man.

I sway towards him, and the champagne coursing through my veins gives me courage. He opens his mouth, but before he can say anything I reach up with my hand and draw his face down to mine, brushing my lips softly against his.

He stands very still for a second, and I can feel the pulse racing at the base of his throat. In a dream I wind my other hand up behind his neck, and he begins kissing me back, softly at first, as though I have taken him by surprise, and then more urgently. We stumble until my back is pressed against the tree and he is pressed against me. Still, I pull him closer, closer, wrapping myself around him, wanting more of him. My fingers tug at his dark coat, and I feel his heart thumping in his chest, in time with my own. He raises one hand to my face and his fingertips brush softly against my neck, sending white flames of desire crackling through me. He trails light kisses along my jaw and I almost stop breathing. His mouth is on my mouth, his hands are on my hips, pulling me towards him, and I want more, more. I want everything.

It is like no kiss I have ever experienced, it is all I wanted it to be … and I find myself imagining it is with someone else.

As this one clear thought pushes its way into my brain, I pull away from Charlie’s kiss, my breathing ragged: I am thinking about kissing Robert.

I place my hands on Charlie’s chest.

“Charlie,” I whisper, my voice hoarse, and I feel him stiffen and take a step back. “I can’t…” I trail off. “I’m sorry.” And with that I slip away from him and stumble back to the party as quickly as my trembling legs will take me. I almost run straight into Laurie.

“Laurie,” I gasp, raising a hand to my lips.

“What have you been up to?” she asks, smirking as she takes in my dishevelled state, my rumpled hair.

“N-nothing,” I stutter.

“Oh, really?” She raises an eyebrow. “Because it looks as though someone has kissed all your lipstick clean off.” She smiles, that slow feline smile. “Come on, honey, let’s fix you up. Everyone’s going to the orchard for Caitlin’s midnight feast and you want to look your best.”

Numbly, I let her guide me to the bathroom, where she fixes my smudged make-up and I try to stop thinking about how much I want to kiss the man she is going to marry. As Laurie chatters away, I am struggling simply to remain upright. It is as though a dam has burst inside me. With that one admission – that I wished I was kissing Robert – I have opened a box that I was keeping so firmly closed I had denied that it was there at all. Am I in love with Robert? Is that what this pain means, the one that feels like it is cracking me in two? Tears smart in my eyes. Over the summer we have fought and laughed and teased each other and I have loved it. The thought of not seeing him any more is physically painful.

“Have you been having a good time?” Laurie asks, brushing powder from a golden compact across my cheeks.

I nod, but my movements are jerky.

“So, the summer is coming to a close.” Laurie sighs and stretches. “Tell me, little Lou, did you find your something more?”

“W-what?” I ask, dazed.

“Your passion, your next adventure?” The warmth in her voice slices through me. My feelings for Robert are a betrayal of our friendship. I feel sick.

“No, no,” I say quickly. “No passion.” I try to make my voice sound as firm as possible. I have to keep a lid on this. I need to put my feelings away, locked up somewhere tight.

“Oh?” Laurie quirks an eyebrow and looks pointedly at my smudged lipstick. Before I can say anything else she begins repainting my lips with her own crimson lipstick.

“Good as new,” Laurie says then, standing behind me in the mirror. She turns me around and leans forward, taking me by surprise as she plants a full, warm kiss on my mouth. “And completely kiss-proof. Now, let’s go.” She pulls my arm through hers and we saunter through the front door and around to the orchard. All the time my brain is running wild. Now, here is Caitlin waiting by the entrance and clearly on the lookout for me.

“Lou!” she cries. “Thank goodness, there you are. I thought you’d disappeared! Now close your eyes,” she says. I know there is no use protesting so, in a daze, I do as I am told. Between them Laurie and Caitlin guide me through to the orchard. It is very quiet, but I can hear some giggling and whispering that is making me feel nervous.

“Now,” Caitlin says. “Open them!”

I open my eyes and hundreds of people start singing “Happy Birthday” while several members of the band join in on horns and trumpets. I am standing at the top of one of the long tables and in front of me is an enormous, four-tiered birthday cake covered in candles. I see Charlie standing further up and though I can barely bring myself to look at him, he is singing and smiling so I think that perhaps, at least, I haven’t embarrassed him too much. I find my eyes drifting from face to face, searching for Robert, but I can’t see him anywhere.