Page 18 of A Sky Painted Gold

Unfortunately, the memory of the ginger wine is still strong enough to turn my stomach when coupled with my terrible nerves. “I’d just love a glass of soda water, please,” I say, hoping that I don’t sound too prim. “I’m not a big drinker usually,” I add by way of explanation. “I can’t keep up.”

“Well, that explains why you look so disgustingly healthy,” Bernie says, pouring the drink and adding ice. “You make the rest of us look positively haggard.”

I look at Bernie’s face. I guess he is in his early thirties, though I suppose he could be older. He is handsome in a dissipated sort of way, very pale and angular with hollow cheeks and a rather pointed chin. His dark hair is swept back from a high forehead, and he has slim, elegant hands that flutter while he talks. There’s something about him that makes me uneasy, a sharpness in his gaze that is at odds with his languorous movements. If anyone is going to out me as an imposter, I have a feeling it will be him. I sip carefully at the drink that he hands me, trying to keep my hands from shaking.

“How do you and the Cardews know one another?” he asks, watching me from beneath heavy eyelids.

“Um, we’ve known each other for a while,” I say clumsily. “How about you?” I ask. “How do you know them?”

“Oh, how does anyone know anyone?” Bernie sighs, waving his cigarette in the air as if to emphasize the ethereal nature of his relationship with the Cardew siblings. “We’ve known each other for ages. Must have met at one dreary party or another. Sadly, they all blur into one in the end… They’re endlessly dull, all the parties, you know, but one must make the effort.”

“Of course,” I mutter into my drink, thinking that it will take an awful lot of parties before I become bored by this sort of evening.

“Always the same parties,” Bernie continues, “always the same people. That’s why you’re so interesting. But then Caitlin does tend to collect the most fascinating people,” he says, taking another drag of his cigarette.

“Me?” I squeak in surprise. “I’m not interesting.” I have to stop myself from snorting with laughter at the very idea.

“But you’re new, darling.” Bernie leans towards me. He smells of violets and cigarette smoke. “And new is always interesting.” His eyes rake over me, and I shift uncomfortably. Is this what Caitlin meant? Am I the new, different thing for them?

“Well, all of this is new to me,” I say, gesturing around at the party and our glamorous surroundings.

Bernie continues to look at me through half-closed eyes. “You do have a certain … freshness about you, you know, I can quite see the appeal.”

“You make me sound like a pint of milk,” I grumble. The feeling that I have been “collected”, that I am on display somehow, as if I am a slightly curious object rather than a real person, nettles me, and I draw my shoulders back, lifting my chin. I may be excited to be here, but a girl has her pride.

Bernie laughs softly, reading the emotion in my face. “I apologize.” He blows a stream of smoke through his nose. “I just mean that you’re something different from the usual. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself an object of interest amongst this lot.” He gestures around the room, and I do see that a couple of people are casting furtive glances in our direction. I fiddle nervously with one of my sleeves. I wonder what they see when they look at me. Hopefully not a total fraud.

There is a chorus of greetings from over by the door and I turn to see that Robert has arrived. My spirits lift as my eyes meet his and he begins to make his way over to us. It must truly be desperate times, I find myself thinking, when the sight of Robert Cardew bearing down on me is a relief.

“Ahhh,” says Bernie, and I turn to find him looking at Robert through narrowed eyes as if he wants to unlatch his jaw and swallow him whole. “What a singularly attractive man.” He sighs again. Bernie does a lot of sighing, I notice.

“Um, yes,” I agree, because it’s impossible to deny that objectively Robert Cardew is looking quite good, with his cheekbones and his broad shoulders and his dark hair curling over the starkly white collar of his shirt. He makes a very pretty picture. Until he starts talking, of course.

Robert appears at my elbow. “Hello, Bernie,” he says. “I hope you’re not corrupting Lou already?”

Bernie bats his eyelashes. “I’m sure I don’t know what you mean.”

“Did Caitlin abandon you so soon?” Robert asks me, not at all perturbed by Bernie’s flirtation.

“She didn’t abandon me,” I say quickly. “She just had to check on some things for the party.”

“And she did make sure to leave Lou in my capable hands,” Bernie chimes in. “I’ve been enjoying the opportunity to get to know this friend of yours, Robert. Tell me, how do you know each other? Lou didn’t say.”

Of course I didn’t. What could I say, after all? Actually I’ve been breaking into his house on a regular basis? I force myself to meet Robert’s eye.

“Lou is … an old friend,” he says smoothly. “She practically grew up at the house, knows it inside out.”

I hide my face by taking a deep swig of my water then, nervous laughter rising to the surface like the bubbles still fizzing in my glass. I’m surprised by this display of humour. For a moment it feels as though Robert and I are conspirators.

“Oh, really?” Bernie raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, absolutely,” I sing in my best cut-glass voice, matching his tone. “Old friends. Some of us much older than others.” I smile sweetly at Robert, and it’s possible that an answering smile tugs at the corner of his mouth, before he gets it back under control.

“Yes,” Robert continues. “In fact, Cait must be so pleased to see you again.” He turns to Bernie. “Their last visit was so brief, you see, that Lou was practically out of the window before they could catch up.”

Bernie looks so bemused that I can’t stop the laughter rising up and bursting out of me, and this time Robert really does smile. It’s a victorious smile, I think, because he’s made me break and laugh in front of Bernie, but for some reason I feel like I’ve won something.

Bernie is looking back and forth between us. “Well, Robert,” he says, a slow smile spreading across his own face, “I don’t know what you’ve been thinking about hiding her away from us all. She’s such a breath of fresh air.”