Page 88 of This Prince Is Not Charming

“I’d been living in the castle as high prince for two months, and I”—I took a deep breath—“I know this is going to sound far-fetched, but I had this feeling I didn’t belong here, that the crown didn’t belong to me.”

Ceri’s brows furrowed. “I never knew you felt that way.”

“Because I never told anybody.”

“Why?” She sounded sad, and I didn’t want her to think it had anything to do with her.

“Because if I said those words out loud, then they’d become true. Just like my feelings for you. It was easier to push it all away and pretend everything was fine.” I shook my head. “But it wasn’t fine then, just like it isn’t fine now.”

“So what happened that day?”

I swallowed, remembering the screams, the awful sound of stone crunching, the wall that had been left. “The first room disappeared, and I couldn’t handle it. It was the armory. Arguably our most important resource. It was gone. And no one knew why. Except me.”

She raised her brows. “Cillian, you can’t think this is your fault.”

“I think the reason Castle hasn’t given me a queen is because it still hasn’t fully accepted me as high prince. I can’t explain it any better than that. And those thoughts on top of my feelings for you were going to completely consume me, so I knew that if I wanted to do my job, I needed to just stop feeling altogether. Then maybe I’d rise to the occasion.”

“Do you still feel that way?” she asked, gaze searching my face. “That Castle doesn’t really want you as its high prince? You know that doesn’t make sense. If it didn’t want you, it would just choose someone else.”

“I know. That’s why I’ve never said anything. Because I can’t understand it myself. It’s just this gut feeling.”

She leaned forward and kissed me. “You do not give yourself enough credit, Cillian Wolfgang. You’ve been an amazing high prince while also managing to be an amazing friend and brother and son. You are everything we’ve needed in Fairwitch Isle, everything I’ve needed.”

“Thank you,” I said, afraid that if I said anymore, I’d start to cry, and that was the last thing I wanted to do after a night and morning filled with explosive sex.

Ceri sat up. “I really do have to go now.” Her face fell. “I don’t know how we’re ever going to make this work. It feels so impossible. We’ve got so many obstacles.”

My heart sank. “Let me walk you back? We can talk more⁠—”

She put a hand on my shoulder and leaned down to kiss me. “That’s okay. I’ll see you tonight, maybe? At my place this time?”

I waggled my eyebrows. “You’re not going to be able to scream my name, you know.”

She gave me a playful shove. “I’m aware, thank you. I don’t need my father thinking I’m being murdered.”

“Oh, I’ll be murdering something,” I said.

She shot me an exasperated look. “I’m regretting this already.”

I tugged her onto my lap as we both laughed. “No you’re not.”

Her gaze softened. “No, I’m not. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m still not sure we can make this work, no matter how much we both want it to.”

Before I could argue, the bed started rattling, the floor trembling. The teacups on the table next my windows fell to the floor with a crash. I was familiar enough with the trials by this point to know what was happening.

“Oh, not now,” Ceri said. “I need to see my⁠—”

But she couldn’t even get the words out before she was disappearing from my arms.

CHAPTER 39

Ceri

Awhoosh sound rushed past my ears, and I wobbled on my feet, blinking as my surroundings became clear.

Shelves upon shelves of books surrounded me, the morning light shining in through the pink and purple stained-glass windows. The smell of paper and fresh ink filled the air, comforting and familiar.

“The library?” Meera asked from next to me. “This is where our trial is?”