Page 67 of This Prince Is Not Charming

Gone.

CHAPTER 30

Cillian

My eyes blinked open to sunlight, warmth, and a bone-deep tiredness that filled my body.

“Cillian?” Nevan scrambled to a stand from next to my bed. “He’s awake!” My brother pushed his spectacles up his nose. “Wolfe, Mother—he’s awake!”

My head thunked against the headboard as I blinked the grime from my eyes.

Mother stood at the end of my bed, hair escaping her bun, her eyes tired but alert. She motioned toward the door. “Wolfe, Nevan, go get Enid and then your father. Tell them Cillian came back to us.” Her voice wobbled on that last word.

Came back to us.

My brothers left the room, the doors closing behind them. A rose petal floated from the wall, landing next to me in the bed, and I lifted it, studying it like I was seeing it for the first time.

“How long have I been unconscious?” I asked.

“A week,” Mother said, coming to sit in the chair beside the bed. “Longest week of my life.”

“Godwitches, I’m sorry.” There was no point in pretending. By now Fargus would’ve told them about my illicit activities. He’d have had no choice, and I didn’t blame my adviser. I should have been the one to tell them. “Who found me?”

“Margaret. Apparently you were calling for her.” Mother paused for a beat. “Why?” she asked. “Why did you feel like you had to numb everything?”

I sighed and raked a hand through my hair, noticing the quiver in it. My limbs were like water. Barely feeling solid.

She shook her head. “The thing is, I know why. I knew as soon as I got to your room and saw Ceri hovering over you, banging your chest and crying for you to wake up. I knew as soon as she told me what you’d been taking.”

I jolted upward. “What? Ceri was here?”

Mother nodded. “She’s been a wreck.” She tsked. “I always wondered why you two couldn’t make it work. Why you never went after her. You seemed so perfect for each other.”

My heart clenched, an unfamiliar feeling, and unlike a week ago, this time it didn’t feel like it was going to kill me. It felt uncomfortable but not unmanageable.

“We are perfect for each other,” I said. “Or, at least, I think so.”

“She does too.” Mother’s lips quirked just the slightest.

“You don’t know that.”

Mother sent me a pointed look. “Cillian Wolfgang, that woman had to be pulled off you by your brothers. She refused to leave your side.”

That couldn’t be right. “What about her father?”

My mother smiled gently. “Margaret stayed with him. She made sure he was okay while Ceri was here.”

“Right.”

“It’s because of her, though, right? That’s why you took it? Because once you became high prince, it changed things.”

I swallowed thickly. “It did. You know Ceri. You know her father. She could never leave him, and I’d never ask her to.”

“But you want to ask,” Mother said. “You want her to be your queen.”

I snorted. “As if it’s my choice.”

Mother grabbed my hands, gathering them in hers. “Cillian, you got it wrong on your wedding day.” She bit her lip. “I’m sorry that you thought marriage was all I wanted for you. That’s never been what it’s about. All I wanted for my sons was love. Love and happiness. Ceri makes you so happy. I see it every time you’re together. Even when you were taking that heartstopper, it never completely numbed you when you were around her. You lit up. I should’ve said something sooner. I meddled too much with Wolfe and Nevan, and I wanted to give you space, let you and Ceri find your own way. But I wish I’d said something sooner . . .”