Page 69 of This Witch Is Not Wicked

Something slimy skimmed against my calf, and I jerked, body tipping off-kilter. I lost my grip on the wall, unable to catch hold of anything. I was going to sink. I was going to die. How long could I hold my breath? I’d never tested it, but I was guessing it wouldn’t be long before I’d pass out and⁠—

Suddenly, Enid’s hands were on my abdomen, righting me and turning me over onto my back. Her hands supported me as I gasped for air.

“That was good,” she said. “You did good.”

I blinked up at the sky above. I was alive.

“Take some deep breaths. Breathing helps you float.”

My heart stopped feeling like it was going to burst, and I inhaled deeply while Enid kept her hands under my back, her touch featherlight.

“Why this?” I asked, trying to distract myself from my fear that something would happen and I’d drown today. “Why did you want me to learn to swim?”

She didn’t answer, and I was too afraid to turn my head to look at her. Last time I moved, I ended up almost drowning.

“Let me guess—you just wanted to get me naked,” I joked.

“No,” she said, her voice serious.

“Ouch.”

She let out a quiet huff. “I mean that wasn’t the main reason I brought you out here. Other than gardening, swimming is one of my favorite things to do. I wanted to be able to do it with you.”

My heart melted into a fucking puddle, and suddenly I was more determined than ever to learn.

“I mean for our charade,” she said quickly. “We have to act like a real couple and real couples do things the other person enjoys. Right?”

“Right,” I said, disappointment filling me.

Of course that was what she meant. Because this was all pretend. Exactly what I’d wanted. Exactly why I’d chosen Enid for this.

I kept floating, my body relaxing more and more in the water as I breathed and took in the puffy white clouds and the blue sky, as I felt the cool brush of the bog against my skin.

“But also,” she said after a while, “I wanted you to do something for yourself. For once.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“You’re always doing things for other people. Becoming a healer to help your community. Getting into a fake relationship to make your mother happy. Doing house calls to make your brother happy. You deserve to just exist sometimes, Nevan.”

Her words hit me so hard I almost lost my balance again. I’d never even thought of it like that. Normally when I tried to relax and do something “fun,” I got antsy. I felt guilty for not being productive, for not checking in with someone and asking what they needed, so I usually ended up just working more.

I tried to think of the last time I’d enjoyed anything outside of making potions, and the only thing that came to mind was that day in the garden with Enid. The day I’d told Cillian that I wouldn’t be returning to work so I could go after her.

“I guess sometimes I forget that there’s a whole life out here I could be living. It’s easy to do that when you’re trapped in an invisible city and can’t leave.” I paused, still floating on my back. “Thank you for this. So am I ready to swim?”

“Godwitches, no,” she said. “This is just day one of lessons.”

“How many lessons will I be taking?”

“As many as you need.”

“Who taught you to swim?”

There was a heavy silence. “I taught myself.”

My heart squeezed as I imagined little Enid all alone. No one to teach her or be there for her.

“I’m so sorry you’ve been made to feel so lonely over the years. I’m sorry you had a terrible mother. And I’m sorry you ever felt like you weren’t enough.”