Page 61 of The Little Porto Book Club

I gulp. This is not good. I deflect. ‘Being cloned?’

‘Well, whatever it’s called. Identity theft. You can always give out my number to a Portuguese family, especially when you’re dating their son. She sent me a range of photos of him – he is gorgeous. You’ll make such beautiful babies. The candid shots of you two were so lovely but must you frown all the time, querida? You come across as quite serious, especially when sitting next to such a smiley-faced boy such as Tiago. I’m going to have to get a second job to save up for your wed— I mean for uh …’

Here we go. I’m never going to hear the end of it. And telling me to smile! Mother sounds just like old Albert! ‘Do you not remember I’m steadfastly anti-wedding?’

I don’t even have the courage to ask what candid photos she’s talking about. No doubt Zeliá was snapping pictures while we were innocently sipping coffee and faux gazing into each other’s eyes. OK, you can’t exactly faux gaze but still.

‘That doesn’t mean you can’t smile, every now and then!’

‘Sure, sure. I’ll smile more, but Mum, it’s best to temper your excitement. It’s very early days with Tiago and I don’t – I don’t.’ Why won’t the words come? ‘I don’t think he’s the one for me. No, this is just a summer fling.’ I’d like it known I’d never commit to a fling of any description because flings make a mockery of real love, but for the sake of this tsunami of a situation it’s best I try and let her down gently. Her ankles won’t survive a second job and how did one mistake land me here!

A frown settles on her face. ‘What? I’m not sure why you’re lying to me, querida, but I am well aware you don’t do flings. According to Zeliá her son is absolutely smitten. Let me at least meet them first? Is this just nerves?’

A groan escapes me. ‘I’m already losing my autonomy.’

‘And you’re not keen on the families meeting because there’ll be too many people, is that it? Just give it a chance. Don’t rush to end things just because of that. You don’t even have to attend any big rowdy catch-ups. I told Zeliá that you don’t enjoy loud, lengthy family gatherings and would most likely not attend a single one of them, and she was fine with that. Totally understood.’

I’m at the handwringing stage; there’s no hope of salvaging this now. Both mothers will be heartbroken when we eventually call this farce off. ‘Don’t you think you’re getting carried away? Both of you?’

‘No.’ She clucks her tongue.

‘No? She told you we were engaged already!’

Mum waves me away. ‘I didn’t have my glasses on, maybe I misread the message. Maybe she invited me to an engagement, who knows. It doesn’t matter. What matters is this fresh start is paying dividends in the best way, my darling girl, and I want you to keep grabbing life with both hands just like you’re doing. Yes, you’re jumping out of your comfort zone and that will sometimes have an adverse effect, but the rewards are worth it, no?’

‘I’m not so sure about that. My sleep pattern has been disturbed. My pulse keeps racing and making me feel lightheaded. Maybe I need to visit the doctor? My heart beats so hard that I wonder if it’s some sort of arrhythmia?’

‘Maybe you are sick, querida.’

I gasp. With some congenital disease that presents itself at this age and she’s known all along this day would come but kept it secret so I wouldn’t dwell on my short life span. These sorts of twists crop up all the time in whodunnits. ‘Don’t bother sugar coating it. Is it terminal?’

‘It’s not terminal.’ She guffaws, clasps her hands. ‘You, my bright, brilliant, fiercely intelligent wonder child are lovesick, but you haven’t realised it yet.’

I roll my eyes and throw out a few appendages of my own to make sure my displeasure is obvious. ‘Now you’re just being silly. What’s come over you? You’re normally so sane and rational.’

‘Love is in the air for the Álverez girls, eh? Anything is possible.’

‘Mum. You haven’t even met Tiago. What if you don’t like him?’

‘Like him? I love him already. Zeliá told me all about him. Did you know he sponsors children from Ukraine? Tick! And he’s a dog person. Tick! Last winter he donated money to the local dog shelter, and when he found out they didn’t have enough blankets for their rescues he went and bought them enough to see them through. And not cheap blankets either, he got them wool blankets. Tick!’

‘I’m sure the dogs appreciated the breathable fabrics.’

Her eyes are glazed like she’s lost in some faraway fantasyland. ‘I’m sure they did. He’s financially stable. Tick. He loves his mother. Tick. And he reads books. Mostly about coding.’

‘Ha! That’s not true. He’s a whodunnit fan. That’s what sold me on the silent reading club which somehow got out of hand and became … all of this.’

‘Oh? Well, anyway, he’s a good boy from a good family with good prospects.’

‘Good prospects? It’s not the 1900s, Mother. I don’t need a man to keep me. My prospects are just fine due to my gift of managing money and being able to stick to a budget, and being fiercely independent.’

‘Yes, yes, of course. But marriage is about teamwork.’

‘Marriage? No. The only aisle I’ll be walking down is the one at the library.’

She does a slow eyebrow raise that stops me in my tracks. ‘We’ll see.’

‘We will not see. I’m going to start my workday and please do not bother me later with the endless chitchat and gossip you are likely to hear at Zeliá’s. I’m not the least bit interested.’ I make a show of flouncing off as if I’m annoyed. And I am, but mostly at myself for kicking off this disaster.