Page 90 of The Edge of Always

‘Did you know Mae wrote to me this year?’ Emmett asked. At that, Luna stopped walking. She did not know this. Mae was an open book – she didn’t keep anything from Luna. She’d even told Luna that the whole situation with Ahmed and Zadie was completely hopeless because Zadie liked girls. Though Luna was sworn to secrecy on the matter.

‘No, I didn’t know that,’ she told him. ‘What did she say?’

They’d stopped walking.

‘She called me a coward.’

Fucking Mae. ‘Wow, Emmett, I’m sorry. You know what she’s like,’ she babbled. ‘You’re not a coward; you’re sensible. You’re right. I’ve been stupid. Emmett…’ she said, though she’d no idea how to finish the sentence.

‘Luna, let me just say what I need to, will you? I’ve planned the whole thing. I need to get it out, now. This is hard for me. Talking like this.’

‘I know.’ And Luna did know. It was hard for her too.

‘What I’m saying is, well, I never should have got with Cadence, or anyone, because she isn’t my best friend. You are. And I’ve been so scared of losing you, but Mae and Earl, and even that stupid kiss with Ahmed, they helped me to realise that I’m going to lose you. If I keep being scared. I want more. If you do too. I want us to be more than friends. If you want that too.’ His whole speech, Emmett is fidgeting. Shifting from foot to food, balling and unballing his fist.

Luna didn’t care because surely, this wasn’t how it was meant to go. Teenage boys didn’t come out with whole speeches. They lunged at you, tongue first.

It was just confusing. Luna had spent the whole year trying to tell herself that they should just be friends.

She was about to say no. A tiny dark part of her thought that it would be good for him to find out what it’s been like, to be the one doing all of the longing. So much longing. But they were by the shore, and a huge wave came and soaked them.

They were both laughing then and Luna thought how ridiculous it was that she’d even consider not giving into this; she’d wanted this for so very long. Maybe the whole time. Emmett was laughing and Luna thought that she could do this for him, she could make him laugh and be happy and it would be the greatest thing in the world. They were running away from the water, her trainers completely drenched. Emmett’s too.

They ran up the beach and Luna got a stitch but Emmett grabbed her hand and then they running together. The beach was still deserted and when they stopped running, Emmett said, ‘I worry I’ll be no good at this. I don’t know how.’

She didn’t let him finish. Instead, she said, ‘Please, yes, do it,’ and ‘I don’t care’ and Emmett seemed to know exactly what she meant.

The kiss was tentative at first. Scary because they both knew that they were crossing some sort of threshold. Emmett’s mouth was warm and wet as it slid against her own and Luna thought that this was the most wonderful thing in the whole world. As long as she lived, she thought she’d never top this moment. She put her hands on his chest, just because she could, and felt his heart beating hard beneath his T-shirt.

‘How are you so calm?’ he asked her.

‘Because it’s you and me.’

‘I’m sorry.’ Luna didn’t know why Emmett was apologising.

‘Don’t be.’

The truth was, Luna had probably been in love with Emmett her whole life.

Once they started kissing, it was really hard to stop. Luna couldn’t quite believe that this was happening, in this place on the edge of the world. The first flick of his tongue made her sigh in a way she’d never done before. She hardly recognised herself.

They walked along the shore some more, carrying their shoes, the ruins of the priory in the background. They sat on the grassy bank so that Luna could draw, but they ended up kissing instead. Luna was amazed to find something that she enjoyed more than art.

It was just that, with art, she felt it in her hands, maybe her heart too, if she really thought about it. But kissing Emmett, well, she felt that everywhere. She was warm all over, and it made her skin more sensitive to the breeze. Her hands trembled a little and even the tips of her toes felt tingly. How miraculous, she thought, that she could feel so much, just from a kiss. She wondered at the marvel that her own body could create such sensations.

Emmett kissed her again, and this day, this moment, this hour, felt timeless, like the island.

‘I wish we could stay here forever.’

She meant in this moment.

‘We will leave. But we’ll go together.’

‘Would you come back, once you’ve finished uni?’ she asked him. ‘They need doctors here.’

‘I can’t. I think I’ll be different, if I can get away. It’s this place that makes me unhappy.’

Luna thought she’d be different if she could stay.