Page 70 of The Edge of Always

‘What’s so funny?’ Emmett asked. Luna had stopped to look at herself in the fun mirror. It was obscene, how bad she looked.

Emmett was next to her now, distorted but still fit. She wondered if he had any idea just how fit he was. Luna saw it, the way girls would look at him. Women, too, sometimes. But since Cadence, Emmett hadn’t shown any interest in anyone.

‘Are you drunk, Luna?’ He smiled.

‘No.’ She shook her head, still laughing. Maybe she was a little drunk. ‘I just look so horrific…’ She was fighting for breath now, waving a hand between her and Emmett. ‘It’s crazy to think that I ever thought… I mean I ever hoped…’ She shoved the same hand over her mouth, even though she was still giggling. Blue WKD must be more potent than she’d realised.

But Emmett was looking at her then, not the distorted crazy version that had super short legs and big shoulders, the real version, the one that still had mascara and candyfloss lips.

Luna hoped that it wasn’t pity in his eyes. She thought that she could cope with a lot, so far as Emmett was concerned, but not pity. Never pity.

He tucked a section of her hair behind her ear.

‘You’re beautiful, Luna,’ he said.

For a second, the carnival around them went quiet, like all the air, light and noise of the place had been absorbed by Emmett’s words.

What did he mean? she thought again, her brain fully frazzled. And why does he look hurt?

She wanted to ask for clarity, something, anything. But she had no idea how to do that. How to ask for the things that you wanted. Instead, all she managed to come up with was, ‘Thank you.’ And anyway, she didn’t believe him. Not for a second. Of course, she wasn’t beautiful.

The carnival came roaring back to life, slamming into them.

‘Carousel?’ Luna asked. She could only manage short sentences now.

‘Okay.’ Emmett looked shaken up. Like they’d just been through something together, she just didn’t know what. Luna was sure that he was looking at her lips just then. Is this what happens with kissing? This hadn’t happened at home, when she’d been kissing Jacob Grangemoor. He had done what any self-respecting sixteen-year-old would do and had sent his friend to ask if Luna wanted to neck him. There wasn’t this unending tension.

They didn’t talk as they gave their tokens for the ride – their last of the evening – to Barry in the ticket booth. Barry didn’t look to Luna like a man who should be in charge of heavy machinery, let alone a carousel that children could go on. He had gravy down his white vest.

When she slid onto a horse, Emmett followed her. It was a two-person horse, so there was nothing especially untoward about this, but they’d never sat like this. Luna clung to the plastic mane like her life depended on it, feeling almost fevered.

They waved at Earl. The carousel was his favourite ride; he spent so much time on it, Luna thought that he must be immune to motion sickness. One of the evenings this week, she’d seen him sharing a beer with Barry. Earl seemed to be allowed to ride without a token.

In the distance, they could see the sea. It was evening, but the sun hadn’t set yet and the sky was orange and pink. Not dissimilar colours to Earl’s graveyard painting. The view settled something in her, just for a moment. She felt calmer here, in her core.

‘I wish I lived here,’ she said. ‘It’s so gorgeous.’

She felt rather than saw Emmett nod behind her as the carousel started up a merry jingle to say that we’re about to move. She could hear Earl laughing.

‘It is,’ he answered. ‘But I can’t wait to leave.’

Luna didn’t understand why anyone would want to leave here.

They started to move, up and down and forward. The motion pushed Emmett into Luna and she felt him all along her back. An ache developed, right between her thighs.

‘I really can’t wait to leave,’ he said again with feeling, and Luna wished that he’d stop speaking directly into her ear. It was very distracting.

‘But what about Earl?’ she asked.

‘Hopefully, he’ll come to visit me. I’ve got to get away. I want to get away, Luna. You understand, don’t you?’

Luna was halfway jealous that Emmett got to conjure his dreams so easily and make a plan to follow them.

‘Maybe we could apply to unis in the same cities?’ he suggested and while Luna knew on an objective level that she wouldn’t just be able to finish college and move to Northumberland right away, the prospect of doing anything other than that filled her with dread. If Emmett wasn’t here though, would Northumberland be the same? Was Emmett Northumberland to her? Possibly, she needed to lay off the WKD ahead of conversations like this about the future.

Luna felt ill-equipped for this talk. She was also quite horny.

‘Exam results first, and then we’ll see,’ she told him. ‘Plus, we have two years of school left.’