Page 62 of The Edge of Always

Chapter Fifteen

I wake up heavy and groggy because I didn’t take my meds before I fell asleep. I reach over to get them – I always have them next to me – but it’s not my medicine box that I feel, it’s a solid mass – a man-shaped solid mass.

‘Sorry,’ Emmett says. ‘There wasn’t anywhere else to sit, and it was getting cold.’

Fuck, fuck. I’ve been asleep for hours. Outside the window the sky is the colour of burnt orange. The sun is setting, and the day has gone completely to shit.

Emmett is sat next to me, on the very edge of the bed, on top of the bedding. His long legs are stretched out before him, crossed at the ankles. He’s wearing matching socks.

‘I didn’t want to leave without checking you were okay, and there wasn’t anywhere else to sit.’ He’s still explaining the fact that he’s on the bed, I think.

My room has always felt minuscule, but with Emmett here too, it’s almost claustrophobic. Stretched out like this, he almost touches the wall opposite.

‘It’s fine, don’t worry.’ I scramble to sit upright, my head all woozy. I’m still in the clothes I wore to hike up the Eiffel Tower. I feel like I did when I was fifteen, gross and well… just gross mostly.

I look around for my bag. I need my meds. ‘Are you looking for this?’ Emmett holds up my pill organiser alongside a bottle of water. ‘I saw some medicine in there when you were looking for the key. I thought you might need them for your post-viral fatigue.’

He’s talking really slowly like my made-up illness has made me made-up stupid.

I reach for them. ‘Yes, I definitely do. Thank you.’

I twist away from him and then throw down the afternoon pills like I won’t survive without them, which I won’t. When I turn around again, Emmett is smiling, but it’s the smile of a porcelain doll. Slightly haunting and dead around the eyes.

‘All sorted?’

‘Absolutely,’ I smile, making myself be genuine. ‘Would you mind waiting while I take a quick shower? I feel all groggy. Then we can head back out. What’s on the itinerary for the rest of the evening?’ I try to peer out of the window to work out what time it might be. The sun is beginning to set behind the line of grey buildings by my windows.

‘Course, take all the time you need. There’s only one more place that I really wanted to show you today, anyway. It’s not far from here.’

It has to be LG. The carousel horse.

‘Okay, if you’re sure.’ I get the impression that Emmett has significantly scaled back his plans for the day after I moved like an injured sloth all afternoon.

‘I am, don’t worry.’

I pull out an outfit from my suitcase, doing my best to shield the chaos from Emmett. It’s a long, swishy skirt and a bardo top that’s super Paris.

I manage to shower and dress in the tiny bathroom, feeling slightly more human as a result. I give my body a pep talk in the small mirror, begging it to give me three more days. I’m Faustas, making a deal with the devil. But I don’t want to know the whole world; I want this infinitesimal fraction of it.

Dr Dave says that if I accept the need to rest, I’ll likely feel better for it in the long term. Dr Dave and I disagree on many points, and for just this day, that’s one of them.

But still, I do feel better, and there’s something bubbling deep in my stomach that feels like excitement as I emerge from the bathroom. I forgot how much I love this top. A good top can always save the day. I’ve pulled my hair into a low bun, and I have big hoop earrings in.

Still, I’m self-conscious, super aware that Emmett is in my personal space. Especially when he says, ‘You’re beautiful, Luna,’ and smiles a genuine smile.

It’s a reminder of how different this Emmett is, and I’m not mentally prepared for it. I just return his smile and say ‘thanks’ and try to pretend that I’m unmoved by the whole thing. Especially since I’m already dreading saying goodbye again. Our last goodbye nearly killed me.

Emmett obviously isn’t getting changed, so we head down the stairs. I need to check that I can extend my booking until Friday.

‘Hang on a sec,’ I tell Emmett and approach the front desk.

‘I’m sorry, madame,’ she tells me, ‘but the hotel is fully booked.’ She does look sorry, too. ‘It’s the views of the tower. They make it very popular.’

I mean, you can see the tip. But still, I tell her that it’s no problem and walk away. For some reason, it hadn’t occurred to me that I might not get the extra days. I could look for another hotel, I suppose…

‘Bad news,’ I tell Emmett. ‘I can’t stay the extra nights in my hotel. Do you know any other cheap ones?’ I emphasise the cheap.

‘Let me have a think,’ he tells me as we begin to walk, slowly, towards where we’re going.