Page 36 of The Edge of Always

While Luna’s teenage hormones were making her angry, Mae’s were making her horny.

‘Now let’s get changed and get out of here before Dad drags us off to look at the freaking puffins again. I can’t wait to see Earl.’

Luna unzipped her duffle bag. There was a lot of black in there. She picked out some jeans and a black vest top and added another several layers of eyeliner, just to be on the safe side.

‘You’re spiralling again.’ Mae was busy backcombing her hair. She was wearing the mesh top that you could see her bra through, the one that their mum said made her look like a whore. She’d added a set of decorative rosary beads. Luna was certain that they either looked really cool or absolutely terrible. She couldn’t decide which.

‘I’m not spiralling.’

‘Good, come on. There better be some cute boys here this summer. Or girls. I’m not fussy you know. I wonder if Zadie and Ahmed got together.’

Luna rolled her eyes as Mae pulled her through the cottage. In some awfully selfish way, she hoped that Ahmed and Zadie hadn’t got together, since she couldn’t bear the thought of everyone being happy aside from her. Her misery wanted company.

She didn’t feel good about hoping that other people were miserable too, and she hoped that that counted for something. And anyway, she didn’t feel quite so miserable herself once she was out in the sea air.

They ran all the way to The Edge.

Luna was breathing in big gulps of fresh air, wondering if it was possible to feel drunk off the stuff when she saw them. Emmett, Earl and Emmett’s mum, Tanya. Zadie and Ahmed were there too, the group sat in a little circle on the edge of the cliff between the caravans.

Suddenly, it felt like the most stupid thing in the world to have avoided talking to Emmett this year. Why didn’t Luna call him? Why didn’t she reply when he wrote her letters? It felt like control at the time, but now she thought what a stupid thing to have done, to deprive herself of Emmett just because he didn’t love her like she loved him.

Cadence was there. Still beautiful, still bouncy. Luna just took a deep breath as Mae whistled loudly and shouted, ‘Surprise!’

They were surprised. Earl hugged them both, so did Tanya, her frail arms making it feel like a hug from a baby bird. Ahmed quoted something that sounded like Shakespeare and Zadie said, ‘Alright,’ tipping her head back to get a good look at the pair of them. Even Cadence bounced over and gave them a hug. It was only Emmett who didn’t say a thing.

More chairs were fetched.

‘Looking good, Tanya,’ Mae said, as everyone shuffled back to widen the circle. Emmett’s mum smiled, cradling a mug of tea in her hands. She looked worn out and paper-thin, but she was here.

‘And you, Mae. You’ve grown, you both have.’ Luna knew this, since she was basically a giant now, but it made her feel uncomfortable. She went about squishing her legs together and sitting on her hands. She was trying, and failing, to make herself as small as possible.

It was a cloudy day. Big white clouds dominated the horizon, taking up an impossibly vast amount of the blue sky. Luna wondered how it was possible for her to feel so much darkness in a world that was filled with something as beautiful and light as those clouds. Maybe it was only here, maybe here was the place where she could recognise the dark and the light.

‘We’ve grown up, Tanya. In more ways than one if you get me.’ Mae winked and Luna felt unease welling up from somewhere deep inside her. The wink had felt like some sort of an activation code for The Man Plan. Luna shifted on her white picnic seat.

Earl laughed and went to get some cake from his caravan.

‘So, how’s things?’ Luna asked Emmett, her voice a tiny bit thin. She tried her best to ignore the fact that Cadence was sitting on his knee, fully draped around him. Like, why? When there was perfectly good grass right there.

‘Yeah, not bad.’ He wouldn’t look Luna in the eye.

‘Emmy got top of the year in his mocks.’ Cadence stroked his hair off his forehead. Emmy.

Mae slapped her thigh and Luna’s sense of unease increased a notch.

‘No. Way. So did Luna. Well, only in Art. But still, top of the year. She flunked Maths and Mum had a nervous breakdown. So now we both have to get a maths tutor. How shit it that? Mum thinks failure is catching.’

Luna couldn’t be sure, it seemed like there were hints of The Man Plan in there. But also, it was very much just Mae.

‘I didn’t know you were struggling with maths.’ Emmett looked… well, Luna thought he looked hurt. He was frowning.

‘Emmy’s going to be a doctor,’ Cadence told them all proudly.

Emmett shrugged and went somewhat red. Luna couldn’t help but notice that he seemed taller this year. She wondered if she’d still be bigger than him. ‘I just said I might. I thought it would be cool to like help people. And you can be a doctor anywhere, once you’re trained.’ He looked out at the sea, his voice quiet. ‘I could have helped you with maths,’ he told Luna.

‘Oh, she hasn’t had the time to be studying, that’s all,’ Mae announced. Tanya’s eyes bounced between Emmett and Mae. The Man Plan didn’t feel like a good idea at all.

‘She’s been busy with boys all year. Taking virginities left, right and centre.’ Mae finished proudly as Tanya spat her drink on the floor and Cadence shrieked with laughter.