Page 113 of The Edge of Always

‘Did you think I wouldn’t be?’

‘I thought you’d just fainted, no big deal, until someone,’ she makes a face at Emmett, ‘freaked out and spent five grand on a private air ambulance.’

‘You didn’t?’ I ask him.

‘I wanted you to be under the care of your regular cardiologist. Plus, I’d already called Dr Dave and the air ambulance before we met in Paris.’ He does look guilty at all of this. ‘Since we’re being honest,’ he finishes.

Mae is looking at Emmett with something close to shock and awe. There’s another knock at the door. Zadie pokes her head around.

‘Is she okay? Is she alive?’

‘Hi Zadie.’ I wave at her.

‘Emmett, long time no see. Thank fuck you’re still with us, Luna.’ Adult Zadie is much like teenage Zadie. Very cool.

‘Did you tell everyone that I was dying?’ I ask Mae.

‘ ’Fraid so. Mum is on her way too.’

‘She isn’t.’

‘Yep. But me and Zade have a plan to distract her anyway.’

Zade.

‘You do?’ Mae smiles at Zadie as Zadie leans over and kisses Mae on the forehead.

‘Wait, Zadie is who you’ve been hooking up with?’

Mae smiles, and some deep part of me relaxes. Maybe she’ll be okay.

‘On and off for about twenty years now, I’d say,’ Mae laughs.

‘On now, though,’ Zadie finishes.

‘Definitely on. It should distract Mum from your helicopter trip over the English Channel, I think.’

I feel full to bursting, I’m so happy. The Hockney print swims behind watery eyes.

‘I’m so happy for you both,’ I sniff. ‘So happy.’ I try to smile, but it’s difficult since I’m still crying. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘Just figured it might rub salt in the wound if I was all happy with my teenage crush and you were still determined to be desperately sad for all of time.’

I reach up and hug Mae – she’s always had the biggest heart. Emmett might be the love of my life, but so is she. ‘But now Emmett’s back, everyone’s happy.’

I don’t look at Emmett. We haven’t discussed it. I don’t know what the future holds, for me or us. It’s still the case that I’m dying unless I get a transplant. It’s still the case that his job takes him far away. It’s still the case that he’s spent his whole life running away from Northumberland and the darker memories it harbours for him.

There are loud voices in the corridor outside my room. Zadie stands up. ‘I’ll leave you guys to it,’ she says, slipping out of the door before Mum and Eyebrow Clive come through it, old and frail, and I think about how much I’ve hated them over the years. People who aren’t good age just as much as people who are, I suppose.

‘Luna, you’re awake,’ she says in a prim tone, scanning the room, her eyes settling on Mae.

‘Yes, it’s just an infection. I’ll be home next week.’

Mum nods and her shoulders relax just a touch. I wonder if, in her own way, she does love me. Or maybe it’s just something she’s incapable of.

‘We saw Zadie in the corridor just now. I didn’t know you were all still in touch? Leave it alone, Clive.’

Mum is straightening my already straight blankets, while Clive picks up and puts down anything that’s loose in the room. He’s holding a sick tray when Mum snaps at him.