Page 98 of The Next Chapter

‘Yeah,’ he says. ‘Well, actually, just over there is a caravan park. I lived there with Mum and Dad for a few years. Coming back here always brings it back.’

‘God, Noah, I had no idea. I’m sorry, we didn’t need to come.’

‘It’s fine. I like it here. I used to escape down to the loch as much as I could.’

‘Okay, good, okay. Do you, er, ever miss them?’ I ask him, feeling like I should say something but not sure what.

‘Sometimes.’ He shrugs. ‘I’ve seen them on and off. If they get wind that I’m in the country they pop up now and then, normally to ask for money.’

‘That’s so awful.’

‘Yep. But it’s just… addiction, right? It’s not really them. Even when I lived with them, it was like being on my own. I guess I got used to it over the years and now it’s just the way things are. Aside from Lola, I don’t really have anyone.’

And well done me, for not ruining this beautiful moment of Noah opening up by screeching ‘Me! Have me!’ at the top of my voice.

Plus, I get it, what it’s like to feel alone. It’s one of the reasons I wanted to meet Lola after Dad died, because despite all the hen dos and weddings and gender reveal parties, I sometimes feel like Seb is the only person who really knows me.

‘I understand that,’ I say, squeezing his hand again.

‘What are your parents like?’ he asks, and my stomach falls a little, at them being described in the present tense.

‘Great,’ I say without thinking. ‘The best really. They always just had so much time for me, you know? It meant that they put a lot of effort in. With all these traditions. Like every Christmas we’d get a new bauble each and have a competition about who could pick the worst one. I got a hot dog one from Paperchase that I loved. And every birthday we’d have birthday hugs instead of birthday bumps. Sorry.’ I stop myself. ‘I’m being insensitive.’

He brushes a thumb along my cheekbone, and I lean into him, just a little.

‘You aren’t. It makes me happy, that you have that.’

I do a slow breath out as we look at each other. In my head, I’m thinking that we’re more alike in the parenting stakes than Noah could possibly know. The urge to tell him is there then, thrashing around in my chest. But how can I admit that I lied? What a mess.

I stamp the urge down. Noah must see that I’m wrestling with something because he says ‘Urgh’ and shakes his head, as if he’s trying to actively dislodge the melancholic thoughts. ‘I didn’t mean to get all maudlin. Let’s walk some more. Unless you want to get back?’

I want to drive on the back of the motorbike in the dark less than I want to get root canal work at the dentist, but I don’t want to leave the beach. I don’t want the day to end.

‘Let’s walk some more.’

It’s a shame, really, that the story of me and Noah doesn’t get an ending where we walk off into the sunset together.

Chapter Seventeen

Seb had taken the news of my skydive as expected. He hadn’t believed me, and I’d had to get Noah to come and confirm that I had in fact jumped and not been pushed out of the plane.

‘You’ve changed, Lily Brown,’ he’d said.

‘Not really, I’ve just tapped into my adventurous side.’

‘Like I said, you’ve changed.’

I’m confused. On the one hand, it seems that time has no meaning here on Skye. Or that’s how it probably seems to everyone else. For me, time is galloping away at pace. I count down every morning. Every evening. I drive myself mad counting it down. At the start of summer six weeks felt like forever, a huge expanse of time ahead of me. But now, there’s only one week left. One.

And I’m still lying to them all.

At this point, I’m telling so many lies, I’m convinced I’ll trip up and give myself away.

I’m lying to Lola and Noah about who I am.

I’m lying to both of them about the fact that I knew who Lola was before I came up here.

I’m lying about Seb being my brother.