Page 86 of The Next Chapter

‘And I definitely thought I was going to die.’

‘Standard.’

‘And I don’t know, I just realized that I don’t really have anyone to leave all my stuff to.’

‘First of all, thank you, I would be honoured to be Elton’s guardian. Though if the geriatric cat outlives you, something has gone seriously wrong.’

My shoulders drop somewhat at Seb’s words.

‘But you do know you’d have plenty of people who’d be willing to help. You’re busier than any person I’ve ever known. You have a personal discount code for the balloon arch place, that’s how many balloon arches you order. You get that that’s not normal, don’t you?’

‘I know I have a lot of acquaintances…’ I start, struggling to put into words what I mean. ‘I’ve just – I don’t know; I haven’t missed many of them.’

My WhatsApp hiatus is possibly the only thing I don’t feel guilty about. It’s an absolute revelation, not being quite so easily contactable.

‘Ooh, I saw a reel about this. Apparently, your thirties are when your friendships get really meaningful. You’ve got to ditch the hangers-on.’

‘But who would that leave me with? You, obviously. Maybe Mr Cains. Phil and Clementine. I can’t have four friends!’

‘Why not? I only have you. Though you’re very needy.’

I roll my eyes.

‘I’m not saying ditch them all. Just don’t put so much pressure on yourself. These things should be about balance.’

‘Who are you and what have you done with Seb?’

‘It’s all the therapy I’m having.’ Seb has been in therapy for as long as I’ve known him. ‘I’ve had to double my sessions since we hired Clementine.’

His eye twitches.

‘You didn’t tell me what she’s done this time?’

‘I had a call from the crematorium, apparently she’s been touting for business at a couple of funerals.’

It’s so inappropriate, but I burst out laughing. ‘You’re the one who decided to pay her on commission.’

‘Yes, but as I had to explain to her, once people are actually dead, they aren’t really in a position to buy the fucking diamond package, are they?! She’s turning me grey.’

‘Well, kudos to a grey hair if it makes its way through all of the Just for Men.’

‘Please.’ He runs a hand through his hair. ‘This is completely natural. I reject that entirely.’

I can’t help but laugh.

‘I miss you,’ I tell him, serious all of a sudden and fully expecting him to take the piss.

‘I miss you too,’ he says. ‘What are the chances of you leaving us all to go gallivanting around the world with Noah? You get that that’s how this should end, right?’

Should it?

‘Slim to none.’ Of that, I’m certain.

‘I’d be happy for you, you know. I wouldn’t even sack you. You can do our job anywhere.’

‘I know you wouldn’t.’ I sigh. Honestly, I am starting to wonder how incompatible Noah and I really are. He has a favourite mug, for instance. It’s blue and it says ‘it’s a hill, get over it’ on the front. Plus, aside from the cramp in the pool and the crawling up the mountain, I’ve enjoyed our adventures together so far. He’s tapping into my as yet untapped adventurous side, and I don’t hate it. I like it. It still doesn’t change the fact that he’s leaving for Italy at the end of summer, though, and on however many other adventures after that. I want to settle down with Colin mark two, do my job well, have a couple of kids, see if I can get a white picket fence shipped in from somewhere.

I shuffle about. Because even though that’s what I always thought I wanted, since I’ve been here on Skye, I’m just not sure anymore. Definitely something about this island air.